Lines I’d Like to Use


As some of my friends and family know, I’m not just a blog writer; I also aspire to be a fiction writer (unlike almost every OTHER English major throughout history). So far I haven’t had much success in getting published (see previous snide aside), but I still plug away at it when I find the time and energy. A large part of that is I jot down ideas for stories and, more importantly, lines of stories or bits of dialogue I’d like to use. For me a lot of stories grow out of these tiny seeds, built around what seemed like a passing fancy at the time, or just something that popped up in a conversation with someone. I may never get around to using any of these, so I’m sharing them with the world. Feel free to take them, use them, make them your own. All I ask is that if you do you share the results so we can all enjoy them.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Now honey, stay calm. I’m sure you have a lot of questions-“

“Yeah, like if you’re an international assassin, why do we live with these assholes?!?”

“These assholes are my friends.”

“Hey!”

“Look, I said you were my friends.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Yeah, sure, I’ll get right on that, just as soon as you go fuck yourself.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“I would totally fight a hobbit for you, honey. You’re my preeeeciiiouusssss.

“I’d fight a hobbit. It would have nothing to do with you. I’d just fight a hobbit.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

He radiated a palpable aura of ‘go fuck yourself’, with a side of ‘eat shit and die’.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

His tombstone read ‘He had a better second half.’

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Maybe I’ll just withhold the Midol from you.”

“I want you to think very carefully about what you just said.”

____________________________________________________________________________________

Truly, he was a king among his people: the douchebags.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“I see a lot of things in my dreams, honey. I don’t want to take most of them home.”

____________________________________________________________________________________

“If these walls could talk-“

“I’d burn the fucking house down.”



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