New White House Travel Guidelines

Here at MNSHO, we have managed to obtain an advance copy of the President’s proposed new visa requirements. Enjoy.

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Thank you for applying for a visa to enter the United States of America legally. We value visitors from other countries, and we want to assure you that your application will be considered with the greatest respect.

Please take the time to complete the survey below and return it to your nearest American Consulate office. Allow 6-8 months for processing.

Regards,

The U.S. State Department

Question 1: What is your name?

Question 2: What is your real name?

Question 3: What is your date of birth?

Question 4: Can you provide a copy of your birth certificate (long form) on request?

Question 5: Can you prove it isn’t a forgery?

Question 6: What is the purpose of your visit to America?

Question 7: You’re just coming here to steal our jobs, aren’t you?

Question 8: Why are you taking jobs away from REAL Americans?

Question 9: Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Democratic Communist Party?

Question 10: Translate the following passage: Трамп для президента в 2020 году.

Question 11: Solve for the following: If I got 304 electoral votes and you got 227 electoral votes, who’s gonna MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, HUH HILLARY?!?

Question 12: Are you a white, Christian, heterosexual, cisgender male?

Criteria for a visa: How did they answer question 12?