The Soundtrack of My Life: I Discover the Nineties
Posted: April 19, 2013 Filed under: Culture, Soundtrack of My Life | Tags: culture, entertainment, music, pop culture, reviews 6 CommentsAs I look back on this series so far, it’s occurred to me that I may seem to be stuck in the 80s. There’s a reason for that.
I am (just ask my wife).
But seriously, it’s not like all the music I listen to came out in the 80s (or before then…), it’s just that shortly after high school I started listening to a wider variety of music, but I also found fewer albums that I really enjoyed all the way through. I think there may have also been a drift away from the idea of albums sometime in there, and more towards singles, such that it became easier to care passionately about a song but not a band. Fortunately there were still a few bands creating great records all the way through, and I still listen to them today.
Stone Temple Pilots – Core: If I had to pick one phrase to describe this album, I’m afraid it would have to be “bad timing”. Caught right in the middle of the grunge explosion, squarely between Nirvana’s Nevermind and In Utero on the one hand and Pearl Jam’s Ten and Vs. on the other, and releasing basically the same day as Alice in Chains’ Dirt, being seen as anything other than a “me too” would be damn near impossible for anyone. Which is too bad, because if any album could stand tall among these giants, this would be it. For my money this album is every bit as good as Nevermind and Ten (although it’s well known among my friends that I’ve never been a huge Nirvana or Pearl Jam fan, I still acknowledge those are amazing albums), and it comes pretty close to Dirt (“Would” and “Rooster” alone are enough to put Dirt over the top in that contest). If you’re a grunge fan who somehow missed this one, pick it up, and if you never got into the grunge scene, this is a great place to start. Best tracks are “Sex Type Thing”, “Wicked Garden”, “Creep”, “Plush”, and “Where the River Goes”.
Garbage – Garbage: On a slightly different note, there’s the self-titled debut release from Garbage. Shirley Manson captivated me immediately with her dark, smoky vocals, and the heavy, almost goth/grunge sound of the music hit the sweet spot for me. There also seemed to be a certain tongue-in-cheek humor to it, as the first single I remember hearing off the album was “Only Happy When It Rains”, which has a healthy dose of self-mockery that was sorely lacking in the goth scene I found myself escaping at the time. While the album tends toward an alt-rock/grunge sound, the instrumentals are a bit too clean and sharp to really fit neatly into the grunge category, and the vocals manage to soar past most of what I generally think of as grunge (although whether that’s because of Manson’s skill or just because I haven’t heard any hardcore female grunge bands is hard to say). All around a great album, and in addition to “Only Happy When It Rains” I would suggest checking out “As Heaven Is Wide”, “Stupid Girl”, and “Milk”.
Blues Traveler – four: And now for something completely different… It’s a little known fact, but I absolutely love good harmonica playing. I don’t know why, but I’m a total sucker for good harmonica, especially when it’s blues or rock style. Small wonder then that I should get sucked in by the likes of John Popper, harmonica virtuoso, fronting up a band called Blues Traveler. What I particularly liked about this album was that they managed to range over a wide area both thematically and musically, being everywhere from up tempo to down tempo and inspiring to… well, to be perfectly honest there’s some out and out depressing moments in this album, as well. But taken as a whole it feels like life. This is a serious and mature album from a band that has had time to get a sense of who they are and what they can achieve, and they bring a great sound together with brilliant lyrics. My favorite tracks include “Run-Around”, “The Mountains Win Again”, “Crash & Burn”, “Price to Pay”, “Hook”, “Just Wait”, and “Brother John”.
Adrian Belew – Young Lions: While it seems like the odd duck out in my collection of music in many ways, this album always puts a smile on my face. Adrian Belew first came to my attention with his hit single “Oh Daddy” off his album Mr. Music Head, and although I was never a big fan of that one, I latched onto this album immediately. Something about the title track just grabbed me, and even to this fay every time I hear it I am inspired with wild ideas of artistic works I will never complete, but at least it gets me started. There’s a few more experimental tracks on this album that also inspire me to just let loose and go with whatever crazy new artistic venture I’ve been holding back on, although I usually abandon them by the time the album is over. The rest of the tracks are more standard pop-like fare, which is not a bad thing, because they’re all executed exceptionally well, with guest appearances on a couple of tracks by David Bowie. “Young Lions” is not to be missed, “Pretty Pink Rose” is great for Bowie fans, “I Am What I Am” is just a trip, and “Men in Helicopters” is another good all-around song.
Other posts you might like:
The Soundtrack of My Life: Dharma Days
The Soundtrack of My Life: Parental Advisory
The Soundtrack of My Life: Punk Rock Nation
It’s Just a Fantasy
Posted: April 17, 2013 Filed under: Culture | Tags: books, culture, entertainment, fantasy, reviews Leave a commentI’ve had a little free time lately, so I decided to check out some books on my Kindle Fire (yes, that’s a shameless plug, but I do love it so very much). I’ve been a fan of fantasy ever since I was a kid, and in the last ten years or so I’ve become a huge fan of the sub-genre of modern fantasy. Most of it actually seems to be a spin-off of trashy romance novels, but I can’t honestly say that’s a bad thing (I have been known to enjoy some trash in my day as well). My most recent forays have been somewhat hit-or-miss, but there have been a couple of gems that I stumbled across, as well as a couple near-misses that if you have a higher tolerance than I do you will probably enjoy.
Chance in Hell and Texas Hold ‘Em (The Chance Lee Series, by Patrick Kampman) – I first picked up Chance in Hell through the Kindle Owners’ Lending Library. I figured for free how could I go wrong? Turns out I managed to go so very, very right on this one. It’s a witty, fun, breezy ride through a modern interpretation of vampires, werewolves, witches, and other things that go bump in the night, with an unusual twist for modern fantasy/horror: the protagonist is a vampire-hunter. Well, ex-hunter, anyway. Which is a good thing, since one of his love interests in the series is a vampire. And the other is a werewolf. Makes that just a touch awkward. The first book is actually light on the romance, which I appreciate, and heavy on the action, which I appreciate even more. The action is fast-paced without being frenetic, the plot is well-developed and interesting (it revolves around Chance trying to dispose of an urn with… less than ideal results throughout), and the characters are all very well developed. There are no stock characters; everyone feels very real and fun, even the bad guys. While I could have stood to see a little more heft to it, I’m not sure the plot could have sustained it, so I think the author ended it in the right place, leaving enough hooks lying around for the second book to roll right in and keep going, which feels like a natural extension of the first. The characters in this one are even more fun, the plot is even more intricate, and I feel like Mr. Kampman is just starting to hit his stride with this volume, which made it well worth buying for me. There’s clearly going to be a book three, and I can’t wait for it. All that having been said, I don’t know that it’s worth the purchase price for the paperback version of either book. It’s easy for me to recommend either one at the Kindle price of $2.99, but with the physical copy of either one coming in at three times that, you may want to save your money for something else unless you’re really into guys who date monsters.
Death’s Hand (The Descent Series, by S. M. Reine) – This is another book I got through the Kindle Owners’ Lending Library (yes, I’m cheap. Sue me.) This is one of those near-miss books for me. It’s the story of a young woman who is a retired exorcist, but not the kind you’re thinking of. This kind involves a lot more ass kicking. Like, a lot more. The storyline is actually quite good, and the world is fully developed. In fact, and I never thought I would say this outside of a Tolkien novel, it’s too developed. I never found myself feeling anything at all for the protagonist outside of a vague contempt, and a lot of the details seemed superfluous in many cases. The saving grace was the supporting cast, most of whom got a lot less attention than I would have liked. It also seemed to me that Ms. Reine was setting herself up to make a very bold choice at the end, but instead she went in a different direction which was far less fulfilling for me. While the rest of the series may play out in such a way as to justify that choice, I won’t be finding out, because I just don’t have the patience to invest in another book. While I don’t exactly regret having read this one, I can’t see myself pursuing another. If you have more of an appetite for exquisite detail than I do (and she really does have a deft way with words), there’s a lot to love here. It just wasn’t my cup of tea.
Kindle Only Books
I don’t know if these books/stories are available in other formats, but I was only able to find them on the Amazon Kindle store. Be warned.
Faculty of Fire (by Alex Kosh) – I really have no idea what to say about this one. Should I lead with the great story or the bad editing? The wonderful characters or the horrible grammar? The amazing world-building or the atrocious spelling errors? There’s so much that’s right about this book, and yet so much that’s wrong. It comes so close to being one of the best high fantasy books I’ve read in a long time, but it suffers from a bad case of young teenage boy wish-fulfillment. I suppose the best thing I can say is I’ll be buying the next book in the series when it comes out, warts and all. Just know what you’re getting into, and if the downsides are going to be too big of a turnoff then don’t bother.
Last Chance Jack – A Fantasy Short Story (by Cate Dean) – I’m not usually a fan of short stories; they so often seem to rush straight to the conclusion, or just leave out important little things like character development, details, plot, or any reason for existing. Ms. Dean manages in this story to avoid all of those pitfalls, crafting a deft narrative that is sweet, captivating, and intelligent. A surprising “fallen guardian angel” story, Last Chance Jack is a quick read, but has a compelling plot, strong characters, and doesn’t take the easy out I was expecting (although there is a solid payoff at the end). For less than $1 I highly recommend it.
Ice and Fire (by Christopher Bunn) – Another short story that I found surprisingly charming, particularly because it’s a fairy tale. Mr. Bunn manages to perfectly capture the innocent and sweet nature of modern fairy tales (not the old style, original Grimm’s Fairy Tales) in a delightful story of a princess and her childhood friend, the King who wanted more than he could have, and the deal that almost doomed them all. This is one for folks who want a taste of that childhood innocence back, and again, at less than a dollar it’s a steal.
Political Race
Posted: April 15, 2013 Filed under: Politics | Tags: politics, race 1 CommentRecently on The Kojo Nnamdi Show, D.C. Council at-large candidate Anita Bonds addressed the question of race in politics quite bluntly, stating that “I just try to make it clear that people want to have their leadership reflect who they are. And the majority of the District of Columbia is still African American, 50 percent is African American, so there’s a natural tendency to want your own.” I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t taken aback by her statement when I heard it repeated on Morning Edition a few days later, but upon reflection I realized that the situation isn’t quite as simple as I wanted to believe at first.
Normally in a situation like this I would turn to my classical liberal values, but I find they come up somewhat short in this instance. It is not as if Ms. Bonds is suggesting that anyone be excluded from participating in the electoral process; she is simply suggesting an opinion of what the people want, and a surprisingly honest one at that. Nor do I believe her intent was to suggest a specific mandatory make-up of the Council to reflect the racial identity of the city. While I may not be inclined to agree with her position, it is her right to express it, and lacking any sort of coercion on the electorate I have no specific objection to offer.
I’m far from a bleeding heart liberal, but I’m at least cognizant of the fact that I have no idea of what it’s like to be a minority in America today. I’ve also studied enough political history to realize that any racial minority, and African Americans in particular, has been vastly under-represented in the political system historically speaking. With that sort of past to draw on, why wouldn’t someone naturally gravitate toward a politician they believe can understand on a gut level their struggles, the things they have had to go through, the issues they have endured? If nothing else, it is, as Ms. Bonds points out, “a natural tendency to want your own”. Given that the majority of the D.C. Council is made up of white politicians in a majority black city, it is at least on the surface a fair point.
On the other hand, if any white politician were to suggest anything of the sort, they would be lucky if the only thing that happened to them was that they were booed out of office. And if we were to take this logic beyond the city level, to the state or even national level, where does that leave us? Are we to suggest to people that rather than trying to find common ground across ethnic and racial lines they should instead further entrench themselves deeper within their bulwarks of isolationism? That hardly seems to be the way forward for us as a country, and I doubt it’s the message that we would want to send to other countries around the world as they struggle with their own sectarian struggles.
Even if we were to take Ms. Bonds’ opinion as valid for the sake of argument, and there are (as I previously mentioned) at least some historical and cultural reasons to do so, it does beg a few questions. The first is, should we expect the Council to perfectly reflect the racial identity of the city? Or are we simply looking to ensure that the politicians that we elect are representing the interests of all the citizens, including those who feel they have been ignored for too long? If so, how do we know that those of one race will be any better than another at being more inclusive? And most of all, at what point do we decide that we’re willing to say we have made up for the iniquities of the past and we are ready to move forward, to elect politicians not because they reflect our appearance but rather because they reflect our values?
The truth is I don’t have the answers to these questions. But based on her willingness to make that assertion, I am left wondering if Ms. Bonds has even asked them.
Yes, It’s More of My Favorite Movies (That You’ve Never Seen)!
Posted: April 12, 2013 Filed under: Culture | Tags: culture, entertainment, movies, pop culture, reviews 3 CommentsI’m starting to think I have a habit. I blame it on my Dad. From the time I was a little kid, we always had the latest in television technology. Cable? You bet. VCR? Beta AND VHS, at the same time, usually more than one of each. Laserdisc? Okay, let’s not go crazy here. We weren’t rich, the man just liked his TV. But he did get on the DVD bandwagon early, and he got a Blu-Ray player pretty fast too. He even had digital cable AND a satellite dish at the same time at one point.
What I’m trying to say is I had a lot of exposure at an impressionable age to a lot of movies. I don’t know why I never picked up Dad’s fascination with John Wayne films, but I do seem to have picked up his love of cinema somewhere along the line, and I’m going to keep sharing it with you. At least the obscure bits.
Flash Gordon (1980) – I can’t even begin to describe how amazing this film is. It’s astounding, it’s mind-boggling, it’s a tour-de-force of awful. This is one of the worst sci-fi films I have ever seen, and that’s saying a lot. The plot is so far beyond insipid, it actually transcends its origins in the funny pages by making Flash Gordon the quarterback for the New York Jets (I am not making this up). He and reporter Dale Arden are kidnapped by a mad scientist in his homemade rocket during an apocalypse being caused by Ming the Merciless (still not making this up) in an attempt to save Earth. The plot actually manages to go downhill from there, and to top it all off the entire movie has a soundtrack done by Queen (and what is it with me and movies with soundtracks by Queen?). Despite all of this, or maybe because of it, I simply have to watch this movie every chance I get. It’s the kind of thing that is so unintentionally hilarious I just can’t get enough.
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978) – What do you get when you take the music of the Beatles as sung by the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton, add in an all-star cast (for the time) including George Burns, Steve Martin, and Alice Cooper, and add a special cameo appearance of Aerosmith doing possibly the most well-known cover of all time? That’s right, you get the movie that made my wife seriously consider leaving me (no I am not kidding, she has yet to forgive me for this, and it’s been several years since she watched half of it). This is the kind of movie that you will either love or hate, and unless you like your movies served with a very large slice of cheese, chances are you will hate it (particularly if you’re a Beatles fan). I’ve been watching it since I was old enough to operate the VCR, so for me it has nostalgia value going for it if nothing else, and I happen to like the music (and cheesy movies). If you’ve got a strong stomach and are willing to take a risk, you might just find a new favorite too. Or maybe you’ll leave me, but I’m willing to take that chance.
Clue (1985) – Long before the recent trend in creating movies out of board games became the hot thing, this movie set the bar, and it set the bar high. Rather than bothering with anything like a real mystery plot, it’s a screwball comedy of murder and mayhem, with bodies dropping left and right and great, quotable one-liners going off just as fast. Martin Mull puts in a solid performance as Colonel Mustard, Lesley Ann Warren is fantastic as Miss Scarlet, and Madeline Kahn is at the top of her game as Mrs. White. In addition to everything else it has going for it, this movie has the greatest performance ever by Tim Curry. Yes, I’ve seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I’ve seen it in the theater… over 1,000 times. I stand by my statement. The multiple endings are handled perfectly, and add just the right feel to the movie for the game tie-in.
Yellowbeard (1983) – A piratical satire starring… well, just about everybody who was in comedy in the early Eighties, Yellowbeard is basically what you might expect. The British Navy gets the vilest pirate in the world to escape from prison in order to follow him to his treasure and hilarity ensues. I won’t bother explaining the rest of the plot because really there’s not much point. The whole thing is basically a vehicle for jokes and gags, which suits me just fine. The cast includes Monty Python alumni Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, and John Cleese, as well as Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong, and Madeline Kahn. Once again Madeline Kahn is fantastic in this film, and I’m always a fan of all the Pythons. I’m not always as big a fan of Cheech and Chong, but they do a fantastic job of sending up Spanish Conquistadors. It’s very slapstick, very screwball, and a lot of fun.
For more movie suggestions, why not check out these posts:More of My Favorite Movies (That You’ve Never Seen)
Even More of My Favorite Movies (That You’ve Never Seen)
Still More of My Favorite Movies (That You’ve Never Seen)
Special Bonus Post: Don’t Just Say It, Live It
Posted: April 10, 2013 Filed under: Culture, Musings, Uncategorized | Tags: advice, culture, etiquette, irony, life 2 CommentsJust recently, I wrote about how to address a customer service situation from the customer’s perspective. As luck would have it, I ran into just such a situation these past few days, and I wanted to share it with you all.
I bought a new custom build computer from Microcenter in Fairfax, VA, and there were issues with my order. I won’t go into the gritty details, because this is actually meant to be a positive story. First, let me say that I discovered just how hard it is to follow my own advice. I was angry. I might even go so far as to say livid. So polite and patient were hard come by. I have to give complete respect to almost everyone I dealt with (one technician was a little surly on the phone, but then I was a little surly as well; you get what you give). When I finally went in to pick up my computer, everyone was very polite, and I definitely appreciate that. I did manage to keep my cool, and followed my own rules.
The manager I spoke with, Abdul, was very accommodating, very patient, and very helpful. He listened to my story, he apologized for the inconvenience, and he made things right for me. Let me point out I was very close to never shopping there again after having not one but two computers in a row built there, and he salvaged everything. That’s the power of good customer service right there.
Let me also say this: my old system is going to my wife. I’ve had it for seven years and it still works great. The only reason I’m giving it up is because she needs a new computer. I look forward to my new one. If you need a new computer, or just want new components or anything else and are in the Northern VA area, I suggest you check them out.
Yeah, that’s right. I’m telling everyone I know. Because that’s how happy I am. That’s the power of good customer service, too.
The Soundtrack of My Life: LOL Albums
Posted: April 10, 2013 Filed under: Culture, Humor, Soundtrack of My Life | Tags: culture, entertainment, humor, music, pop culture, reviews 1 CommentMusic can be a lot of things: socially relevant, brain candy, the voice of a generation, or just an excuse to sit back and chill. One of the rarest things to find in music is humor. There’s an old saying that dates all the way back to vaudeville days: “dying is easy; comedy is hard.” I’ve made no secret of my love for good comedy, and there’s a handful of artists who have raised it beyond mere shtick to an art form (although in at least one case I’m sure there are those who would disagree with me).
“Weird” Al Yankovic – In 3-D: Let’s just deal with the elephant in the room first, shall we? My Not So Humble Sister hates “Weird” Al for much the same reason I hate Madonna: being exposed ad nauseum at a tender age. That and she just doesn’t get his humor. Admittedly he is best known for his satire, which compared to many satirists is surprisingly gentle (although I really don’t get his obsession with food), but for me some of his best work is his original songs. This was the first “Weird” Al album I ever owned, owing to the smash success of “Eat It”, and I listened to it constantly. I even auditioned for a high school musical with the song “Nature Trail to Hell” one year (yes, I got the part, no I don’t know why). “Weird” Al manages to be sharp, funny, and light without ever being vulgar, a fact which likely was a contributing factor to Michael Jackson giving him permission to use the same set from “Bad” for his parody “Fat” from a later album (and again with the eating obsession). While he’s not everyone’s cup of tea (sorry, couldn’t resist a food joke of my own), I still think this is arguably his best work. Be sure to check out “Midnight Star”, “Polkas on 45”, “King of Suede”, and of course “Nature Trail to Hell”.
They Might Be Giants – Flood: If you prefer your humor a little more highbrow (and perhaps a bit incomprehensible), I suggest They Might Be Giants. I’ll be the first to admit that it took me a while to warm up to this band. Yes, I was that guy. It seemed like every TMBG album I heard I had to listen to at least three times before I liked it or even got the joke. When it finally clicked for me, I couldn’t get enough. There’s a certain je ne sais quoi about their music that can’t really be defined. Some of it is clearly brilliant satire (“Particle Man” in particular) while other songs are either so deep they’re funny or so funny they’re deep (“Dead”). They even manage to get some social relevance into the mix with songs like “Your Racist Friend” and “Minimum Wage” while still maintaining a charming and offbeat style that I can’t define and absolutely love. In addition to the songs I already mentioned, I highly recommend the famous “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)”, “Women and Men”, and “Road Movie to Berlin”.
King Missile – The Way to Salvation: If They Might Be Giants isn’t incomprehensible enough for you, may I suggest King Missile? Where TMBG flirts with surrealism, King Missile seduces it, takes it to bed and calls it a dirty girl. To me, The Way to Salvation is to rock and roll what Andy Warhol was to art. Different? Sure. Strange? Arguably. Self-referential? On occasion. But undeniably brilliant. This album takes all kinds of tropes and inverts them back on themselves, playing with content, form and medium to create a sonic interpretation that ranges over a wide field of intellectual work. The end result is a mish-mash of different styles that somehow forms a novel, coherent album stronger than any one song would suggest. I’m particularly fond of the way they deliberately separated the two parts of “The Boy Who Ate Lasagna and Could Jump Over a Church”, creating a bifurcated narrative that is stronger thereby. Some of my other favorite tracks are “The Story of Willy”, “I Wish”, “The Indians”, “Sex With You”, and “Scotland”.
Tom Lehrer – That Was the Year That Was: Moving away from surrealism and squarely into the realm of “thinking man’s humor”, there’s Tom Lehrer. Lehrer has taught political science at MIT and mathematics at the University of California. Despite that, he’s actually a fair hand at the piano. While That Was the Year That Was as recorded live in 1965 and addressed news items of the day, the songs are still in many cases (sadly) relevant. He may be best known for his satirical “The Elements”, wherein he recites the elemental table to the tune of the “Major-General’s Song” from The Pirates of Penzance but, much like “Weird” Al after him, I much prefer his original work. While some of the songs are a bit dated, with a bit of imagination their key themes can be seen reflected in modern events, and others are still issues that are with us today. My personal favorites are “The Folk Song Army” (themes of which I can see reflected in the Occupy movement today), “Smut” (SOPA/CISPA and other attempts at regulating free speech), “Who’s Next?” (North Korea, Iran, and other countries that are actually name-checked in this song about nuclear proliferation), and “National Brotherhood Week” (a song about racism, religious intolerance, and other forms of social intolerance).
Fashion Advice For the Professional Gentleman
Posted: April 8, 2013 Filed under: Culture | Tags: advice, culture, fashion, men, office 4 CommentsWhile I’m not the fashion horse my father was (I don’t think even Prince is the fashion horse my father was), and I’m privileged now to work in an environment where I don’t need to be, I have been working in and around a lot of companies over the years, and in that time I’ve developed a fairly good sense of what professional attire should be. Sad to say, what I have been noticing over the past twenty years is a distinct decline not in what is considered professional attire (sorry, can’t blame it on Casual Friday), but rather in the knowledge and understanding among so-called professionals of what is professional attire.
With that in mind, I’d like to offer the following modest suggestions to men both young and old about what they might want to consider for their professional wardrobe.
First, own at least two suits. By this I mean actual suits, not a pair of slacks and a blazer or sport coat. The kind of suit that you buy as a complete set, coat and jacket (vests are optional and not particularly necessary). Not that there’s anything wrong with a pair of slacks and a sports coat, and in fact I do believe you should own at least a few pairs of slacks and a couple of sports coats that you can mix and match between them as well, but there’s just something about a suit that makes a comprehensive statement you just don’t get any other way.
Also, I’m not speaking about a hand-me-down suit or a suit you purchased at Discount Suit Warehouse. I mean a high quality suit, the kind that comes from a high end retailer or specialty shop. Save up your nickels and dimes and get them on sale if you can, because these kinds of suits are not cheap (trust me, I know this). Many retailers will have sales once or twice a year, and they will offer good discounts on the outgoing styles. Why do you care that they’re last season’s (or even last year’s) fashions? Ideally you will have these suits for years anyway.
While you’re there, make sure to get the suit tailored to you so it fits properly (if you have a favorite tailor elsewhere you can go there, but I have yet to find one who does the job better for less). Don’t let them bully you into wearing the suit the way they say it “should” be worn. I wear the waist of my pants much lower than any tailor seems to think is “right”, and for years my pants didn’t fit right. Then I finally insisted they simply let me wear the pants the same way while them hemmed them as I did when I got them home, and suddenly my pants fit well. Did they look as good as they could? No, but they looked better than they did, because they were tailored for me.
Pick up a lint brush, preferably two. Keep one in your desk drawer at work and one close to the door at home. Use them. Even if you don’t have long hair or a pet, someone else does; your wife, your husband, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your roommate, the person in the elevator next to you with the five corgis. Hair, lint, and all kinds of other stuff transfers very easily, and you won’t notice you need a lint brush until you don’t have one; if nothing else, you can be the hero of the day for someone else. If you don’t have one handy when you need it you can fake it by rolling some tape (sticky side out) around your hand and running it gently over your suit. It’s not great, but it’s better than nothing, and people will appreciate that you took a little time for your appearance.
Second, I’ve heard more than one person say that if you want to get attention at work you should dress better than your position (or better than the other people at your level). This fascinates me, since I’ve always found that the best way to get attention at work is to be good at your job. Dressing “for the job you want to have” as they say is a good way to annoy the people around you, as it does make you stand out, but not in a good way. If you are good at your job and you’re not getting attention for it, you need to find another job.
What I do recommend is dressing better, worse, or just the same as the people around you, if that’s who you are. What people will respond to is confidence: are you comfortable in your own skin? Are you showing up as the person you believe you are, or are you putting on a show? That’s not to say you should dress inappropriately for the work environment, and if you are completely uncomfortable wearing anything acceptable in that workplace, then again maybe you need to think about getting a different job.
Third, make sure you own at least two nice pairs of shoes. Note that there is a difference between “nice” shoes and “dress” shoes. Any kind of shoes can be nice, and even “dress” shoes can be cheap. Don’t buy cheap dress shoes. As I mentioned earlier, every major retailer has sales, and there’s nothing wrong with them. Make sure to get quality shoes that fit comfortably, because hopefully you’ll be wearing them a lot (because you have a good job to wear them at).
Here’s the thing: if you buy cheap shoes, you will spend a lot of time and money replacing them, and you will have to break them in over and over again (which is not fun), and in the long run you will spend as much money on multiple pairs of cheap shoes as you do on one pair of quality shoes. But there’s more: people notice a man’s shoes, especially if he’s wearing a nice suit (like the one I told you to buy earlier). If you wear cheap shoes with a nice suit, people will laugh at you. Women will laugh at you. Maybe not to your face, but I have heard it. And gentlemen, they are not nice about it. Better a slightly worn pair of quality shoes than a brand new pair of cheap shoes.
Once you have your nice shoes, please be sure to take care of them. Don’t stomp through the mud in them, avoid puddles, don’t walk across the grass in them, and please be sure to polish them. Take care of your shoes, because they are quality, and people notice these things.
That’s not everything you need to know, but it should at least get you started.
You might also like:
On Achieving Work-Life Balance
How To Get Ahead In Business If Your Boss Is Anything Like Me
We Don’t Need No Stinking Incentives!
Posted: April 5, 2013 Filed under: Politics | Tags: economy, education, government, housing, politics 5 CommentsTwo news stories caught my attention recently, both for revealing the federal government’s (and particularly the executive branch) shocking ability to ignore one of the basic laws of economics and psychology (and maybe sociology, but I never studied much of that). Pretty much both of these fields agree, to a greater or lesser extent and for various reasons, that people will respond to incentives. In psychology they call it things like “positive and negative reinforcement”, but apparently in the government they call it “ignore the consequences and just do things you want because the ends always justify the means”.
The first of these stories was a report by the Washington Post that President Obama is leaning on banks to “make home loans to people with weaker credit” (direct quote from headline there). According to the Obama administration, lenders should “use more subjective judgment in determining whether to offer a loan”. Personally I find that a little disconcerting, since according to that same article “since the financial crisis in 2008, the government has shaped most of the housing market, insuring between 80 percent and 90 percent of all new loans, according to the industry publication Inside Mortgage Finance.”
Hey, what’s the key phrase in that last sentence? Was it “financial crisis in 2008”? Why yes, yes it was. I seem to vaguely recall that one. It was triggered by something… let me think… oh, that’s right, a housing bubble driven in large part by risky borrowing, which has been attributed by some (including me) in large part to government policies pushing for more home ownership and led to a bail out of Fannie May and Freddie Mac. But they’re cool now, right? Let’s go back to the Washington Post for confirmation: “the government has shaped most of the housing market, insuring between 80 percent and 90 percent of all new loans…primarily through the Federal Housing Administration, which is part of the executive branch, and taxpayer-backed mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.” Oh. But that’s not a problem, is it? “If borrowers with FHA loans default on their payments, taxpayers are on the line” – and we’ve already bailed out Fannie and Freddy once before in recent memory.
So what we have here is a political agenda that completely ignores not just economic law and historical trends but recent memory in favor of “doing the right thing” and wishful thinking. Because that’s never caused us any problems before. Here’s a thought: maybe the banks are being overcautious, but they have reason to be. Or maybe they’re being just as cautious as they should be, given that the market hasn’t sufficiently recovered yet. I honestly don’t know. And lest I be accused of being a demagogue, let me point out that I’m arguing against my own interests here. As I’ve noted before, I’d be much better off if the banks started giving out easy money again, because then my wife and I could buy a house (we passed on the last round of insanity). However that’s in the short term, and in the long term it would just be inviting disaster.
But never let it be said I’m not an equal opportunity hater. The other story that got my attention was an indictment of three dozen Atlanta educators for cheating in standardized tests. While the indictment only goes back to 2005, I seriously doubt someone said “Hey, George Bush wouldn’t like this, but I’m sure President Obama would have no problem with it!” More importantly, President Obama wasn’t responsible for the landmark legislation that is the proximate cause for the cheating scandal: No Child Left Behind and the high-stakes testing it engendered.
It’s not just high-stakes for the kids; these teachers apparently had everything on the line, from bonuses to their jobs. Who did they hire as their motivational speaker, Alec Baldwin? I’m in no way condoning what they did, because the people who really got punished are the students. Either they didn’t get the education they were promised or they will always be haunted with the uncertainty of whether they really earned that grade.
But it comes back to incentives, and another phrase from economics, “unintended consequences”. Nobody intended for people to cheat, certainly not teachers and administrators. But the incentives were lined up for them to do just that, just as the incentives are lined up for the common complaint (which I most often hear from teachers) of having to “teach to the test”. Once again we have a case of a political agenda that completely ignores economic laws and (proven after the fact for years) reality in favor of “doing the right thing” and wishful thinking, only in this case we have a clear case of it biting us in the ass right in front of us that is bizarrely reminiscent of a Hollywood movie plot. Unfortunately in this case the underlying problem hasn’t been resolved; we’ve removed the symptom but not the cause.
The Soundtrack of My Life: Parental Advisory
Posted: April 3, 2013 Filed under: Culture, Soundtrack of My Life | Tags: culture, entertainment, music, pop culture, reviews 6 CommentsHard as it may be to believe, not all of the music I’ve listened to over the years has been what you might call “family friendly”. In fact, some of it crosses the line into downright offensive. Not in the sense of “it all depends on your taste”, but rather in the sense of “by any societal norm this is beyond the standards of appropriate”. That’s not to say I believe in censorship (obviously), but rather I at least acknowledge that I wouldn’t want children or my mother to listen to it (Mom, please take the hint. No, seriously. Stop reading. Like, right now.)
That having been said, I still love these albums. Some of them for their musical style, some of them for their social importance (and sometimes both), and some… well, I just have a sick sense of humor. Let’s just get it out there. I won’t laugh at just anything (Jimmy Fallon, this means you), but some kinds of vile humor when presented well can be so over-the-top that it’s actually entertaining. It’s not for everybody, but it works for me. (Seriously Mom, you can stop reading now. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
So here’s some of my all-time favorite albums that push the boundaries and go places few others would dare.
N.W.A. – Straight Outta Compton: Let’s just get the big one out of the way first, shall we? This is arguably the most important album in rap and hip-hop history, and certainly the most important album in gangsta rap. It launched the careers of Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, and Eazy-E. While you can as easily make an argument that this album glamorizes the gangster lifestyle as it does making a realistic portrayal of it, for myself I have heard few (if any) later albums that have presented as honest and raw a depiction of life in a gang. With such lyrics as “I might stumble but I still won’t lose/now I’m dressed in the county blues” there is at least a cursory acknowledgement contained within the otherwise violent and misogynistic lyrics that this is not a lifestyle that has good long-term options. It is a brutal portrayal of a brutal situation, and one that, while not completely absent of humor, also does not completely shy away from boldly expressing an anger and frustration that did not have a clear voice up to that time in the music industry. Some of the key tracks I would recommend are the titular “Straight Outta Compton”, “Gangsta Gangsta”, “I Ain’t Tha 1”, “Dope Man”, and of course the famous “Fuck the Police”.
Faith No More – Angel Dust: I’ll be honest, I was never a big fan of Faith No More, in spite of their popular album The Real Thing (which contained the hit song “Epic”). Then they released Angel Dust and that all changed. “A Small Victory” completely rocked my world, and I decided to listen to the rest of the album (a friend had already bought it; this was back before downloads, even the illegal kind). The music was a wild ride, ranging back and forth from sedate and sedating to brutal and breathtaking, while the lyrics where hypnotic and disturbing all at once. This album came along at a time in my life when I was unsure about my direction, and the disjointed themes and mismatch between many of the lyrics and musical movements fit my mood perfectly; listening to it now takes me back to that time and helps remind me how far I’ve come. Some of my favorite tracks include the aforementioned “A Small Victory”, as well as “Midlife Crisis”, “Kindergarten”, “Crack Hitler”, and “Midnight Cowboy”.
Lords of Acid – Lust: This was one of the first techno albums I was ever introduced to, and to this day it remains one of my favorites. (That having been said, if you think you like techno and you don’t already own Pretty Hate Machine, hang your head in shame and then go educate yourself.) I remember the day I first heard it (this is going to sound strange, but bear with me). I was in a friend’s basement for our weekly gaming night (as I’ve already mentioned, I’m an RPG geek from way back) and he had invited a new guy to join our group. I don’t remember the guy’s name (sorry, guy) but he brought some music with him, and I do remember this. It was like a revelation for me. The bass that pumped right through me, the beats that got my heart pumping, and the vocals… well… Mom, if you’re still reading this despite all my warnings, just stop now. I’ll wait.
I swear to you now, it was like aural sex. There’s just no other way to describe it. With an album title like Lust I suppose that’s to be expected, and it’s definitely a theme album, but just wow. Did they ever nail it. It’s dirty, it’s rough, and it’s got it all down. I’ve heard more than one person say this is the best album ever to have sex to, and I can’t disagree. This isn’t an album for or about making love, this is about getting your freak on, and for that purpose there is no substitute. If you’re up to it, the best tracks on the album would be “Take Control”, “Rough Sex”, “I Sit On Acid”, “Lessons In Love”, and “Hey Ho!”, although really it’s best experienced as a whole.
Gwar – Scumdogs of the Universe and America Must Be Destroyed: And at last we come to the grand finale. Gwar is a band that truly has no redeeming features. You either love them or you are completely repulsed by them. A satirical heavy metal band that goes beyond pushing the envelope and moves straight into ripping it to shreds, they use elaborate props and costumes as part of a stage show that violates every possible obscenity law… on purpose. These guys go out of their way to offend. They’ve been banned in at least one state that I know of, and they’ve also been nominated for at least one Grammy (long form video for Phallus In Wonderland, based off the album America Must Be Destroyed). While there have been other attempts to do revolting satire of metal, I haven’t found one yet that quite strikes the balance between musicality (yes, they do actually manage to play their instruments passably well), surprisingly intelligent and socially relevant lyrics (if you can get past all of the offensiveness), and brilliantly raunchy humor. The tracks that I would recommend trying to see if you can appreciate their unique brand of satire would be “The Salamanizer”, “Slaughterama”, “Vlad the Impaler”, “Sexecutioner”, “Have You Seen Me?”, “The Morality Squad”, “America Must Be Destroyed”, “Blimey”, and “The Road Behind”. Just make sure you have a strong stomach.
Three Hours I’ll Never Get Back
Posted: April 1, 2013 Filed under: Politics | Tags: politics, society, taxes Leave a commentIt’s that time of year again, one that most Americans hold near and dear to their hearts: tax season. By most Americans I mean “nobody I know”, and by “near and dear to their hearts” I mean “please kill me now”. I’m old enough to remember having to do my taxes by hand on paper (and I was educated in the Bonsall School of Finance, where the only rule is “don’t get caught”), so I have to admit that the idea of online filing and doing things on computers still makes me smile. It’s more like the smile you get when the morphine finally kicks in, however; it’s not that the pain is gone, just that something is covering up most of it.
Why does it have to be this way? Believe it or not, I am not like the stereotypical libertarian in that I acknowledge that I’m going to have to pay at least some taxes; after all, I value some of the services I receive from the government, and I don’t get to pick and choose (although whether I should is a different argument). But I know plenty of people who are gung-ho about government 364 days out of the year, and come April 15 they will scheme just as hard as I do to weasel out of paying a cent more than they must. Sure, some of it is good old-fashioned greed, which I can both respect and admire, but there’s more to it than that. On some level, I have to believe a certain amount of it is just animosity against a ridiculously complex tax code.
I’m not about to turn this into an argument for a flat tax, because that’s as much a moral argument as it is a political or economic one (and frankly there’s no such thing as a serious economic argument when it comes to taxation, at least as long as we keep spending more than we’re taking in, even in the good years). But I am going to take the opportunity to rail against the sheer ludicrous amount of social engineering packed into the tax code, particularly considering how much of it is either (a) ineffective or (b) inefficiently done.
Consider: every deduction, every credit, every line item manipulation away from baseline percentage of income is an attempt by the government (read: politicians) to incentivize people towards or away from a specific kind of behavior. This has nothing to do with the amount of services you consume (otherwise why would we offer a tax deduction for having children?) and, while I am by no means an economist, I am not aware of a school of thought that shows how such a Byzantine approach would stimulate the economy (a free market approach would cut taxes across the board; a Keynesian approach would be to have the government spend the money; the time spent finding the deductions is a deadweight loss either way).
I’ll give a couple examples. First the ineffectiveness, for which I’ll use the home mortgage deduction, the third-rail of tax policy. Everybody loves this one, because it makes home ownership easier for everyone, right? I mean, as long as you file taxes, you get to write off your home mortgage interest, so that makes the house cheaper in the long run. Everybody wins! Except it doesn’t really work that way, because everybody knows about it. And by “everybody”, I mean the people selling the homes and in particular the real estate agents. You really think they don’t jack up the price of the houses knowing you can right off the interest? When’s the last time you went looking to buy a house or for a home mortgage loan and they didn’t make sure to mention that, even in passing? The write-off gets absorbed into the price paid, and what you are left with is… well, you’re no better off, and if they ever do get around to repealing it, you’re stuck holding the bag, which is why nobody even dares to suggest it. Which is why it’s ineffective; nobody is more likely to be able to afford a house, because the market has just responded to the change and absorbed the benefits before the fact.
As for inefficiency, let’s look at something like the way teachers who buy materials for the classroom can right off a certain amount. It’s a small amount ($250), and you need to keep receipts, just in case. This is one of many small deductions meant to encourage what is considered “good” actions in society, and one that I’m actually not going to argue against (because seriously, how can you?). But we expect teachers to be aware of it, to claim it, and to make sure they know exactly how much they spent, just in case, because heaven forbid they get a whole $250.
As an alternative, since the government knows your occupation, why not just give them the $250? I see three possible outcomes here. Worst case scenario, they don’t buy any classroom supplies all year and they get a small bonus for being a teacher. Oh no, we just incentivized people to be teachers. Damn shame that. The second possibility is they buy classroom supplies up to but not beyond $250. They might pocket a small amount (see above), but the real benefit here is they don’t have to keep receipts and they don’t have to make that marginal choice about whether it’s worth it to pick up the supplies for the kids. Possibility number three is they spend more than $250, in which case either they itemize, keep receipts, and go the full troublesome route (if they spent enough), or they just decide “the heck with it” (which they may be doing already) and eat the loss on the extra. If they are doing that anyway, at least this way they don’t have to lose as much money and they get a sense that the rest of us are behind them.
The worst part of all of this is that this sort of Byzantine tax code is more regressive than any other, more visible taxation. Not only do the benefits more easily accrue to the well-heeled (do you know a lot of poor people who can afford to donate 10% of their income to charity?), but even those benefits that can be claimed by the lower income brackets are hard to ferret out. You either need to have the time to spare and the education to find them (unlikely), or the money to afford someone who can do it for you (even more unlikely). The benefits end up in the hands of the wealthy and the tax preparers.
While I oppose using the tax code in any way for social engineering (mostly because I oppose social engineering), if it’s going to be done, let’s at least do it well. There are easily dozens of examples that can be found through a cursory search where the government has more of the required information than we do, from electric car ownership to wetland ownership. Either simplify the tax code by getting rid of all of it and let the people decide what they truly value, or put the burden back where it belongs, and let the people have their time back.
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My Not So Humble Opinion 