Top 11 Reasons I’m Tired of Snow

11. Children in the neighborhood are hoping they don’t cancel school.

10. My neighbors have begun to resemble White Walkers.

9. 35 is the new 70.

8. The snowmen are picketing for overtime pay.

7. I’ve been reduced to using margarita salt on my driveway.

6. No TV and no beer make Bob something something.

5. My dog has started writing his name in the snow.

4. I’m running out of room for hoarding toilet paper and bottled water.

3. If I have to star in a Disney movie, I would have chosen The Jungle Book.

2. Global warming has started to look like an attractive option.

1. Because fuck snow, that’s why.