Things That Confuse Me

I’m a reasonably educated man, and I’m not entirely stupid, yet there are some things in this world that continue to elude me. Here’s a small sample of them.

Women say they want a man with a sense of humor, and yet I never knew a guy to get a date because he told a joke.

Smokers are supposed to stay 20 feet away from buildings, but all the ashtrays are within five feet of the doors.

Congress has an approval rating below 25%, but reelection rates are above 90%.

Adults under the age of thirty who have never drunk to excess.

Pizza places charge a delivery fee that doesn’t go to the drivers, but the driver is the only value-add in the delivery.

Businesses will hang signs of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in the window holding a sign that says “Happy Holidays”.

People who object to Sex Ed in schools and yet have no problem with Valentine’s Day cards or chocolate bunnies being given to kids.

Adults over the age of forty who continue to drink to excess.

Men say they don’t understand why women are obsessed with their appearance, and yet all men’s magazines are filled with pictures of tarted up (likely photoshopped) women.

I’ve never understood golf. Who was it that was first walking along one day with a stick in his hand that came across a small white rock and said, “I hate this rock! I hate it so much I’m going to whack it away from me as hard as I can with this stick I just happen to be carrying with me! Oh wait! I just realized I love that small white rock. I’m going to chase after it and figure out where it went. Ah, there you are small white rock. You stupid, stupid little rock! I hate you! I’m going to smash you as hard as I can to get you away from me! Ha! Now I’ve finally managed to chase you into a hole in the ground. Wait, don’t run away, I just wanted to show you whose boss.” He then proceeded to repeat this process seventeen times until he got fed up enough to spend the rest of the day drinking. Why not just cut straight to the chase?

Most of the people who love to lecture about how Jesus was actually born in the spring or how a Christmas tree is just a Druidic rip-off have no idea what a Maypole is or what it’s (originally) for.

Why are doctors never running early?

Je ne comprende pas français.