There’s a Difference Between Being Righteous and Being Right

This is going to be a long post, and I’m sure it will lose me some friends. I’m okay with that.

Let me establish two things up front: I voted for Kamala Harris, and no, it wasn’t a “protest vote”. I sincerely wanted her to win, because I believe that she was the better candidate and that her vision for America was and is a good one. That being said, I voted AGAINST every Republican candidate on the ticket as a protest vote, because anyone who would willingly associate with Donald Trump will never get my vote. We clear? Good.

Why did I feel the need to establish that? Because I’m going to say some things that I think need to be said, and I don’t want anyone accusing me of being an apologist for Donald Trump. He’s slime. I don’t know why anyone would vote for him. But over 50% of the country DID vote for him, and that’s something we need to recon with. I see a lot of people saying the same kinds of “not helpful” things that have been said for at least eight years that are not going to change things for the better. Here’s the perspective of a “reformed” libertarian that will hopefully give you a little perspective.

See, the big mistake I saw so often and for so long among libertarians that finally drove me away was confusing “righteous” for “right”.

THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING RIGHTEOUS AND BEING RIGHT

A lot of what I’ve been seeing is people posting about how Trump voters are racist, sexist, homophobic, Islamophobic (and I’m sure I’m missing several others) bigots. I haven’t seen anyone posting about how they voted against their own interests, but I’m sure those will be coming along shortly, since that usually comes as sure as night follows day. Now, I’m sure that feels good, but where do you get that from? I know, I know, they voted in the Republicans, whose platform is basically “human rights are for heterosexual cisgender white men, or as we prefer to say, people.” But that assumes a rational voter. Find me two of those to rub together and I’ll buy you an ice cream cone.

As soon as you start assuming you know why  people voted the way they did, and particularly when you assume they voted based on what you want, you’re already off-track far more often than not. I talked with a lot of people to understand why they didn’t accept the “obviously superior” libertarian way of thinking, I finally came to a realization. They understood it. They just didn’t value it.

See, that’s the thing that seems to go right past a lot of people. Folks will yell past each other on the same issue, because they will try to defend (or attack) the thing they are discussing based on what they value. Then when the other person doesn’t agree with them or worse attacks their position, they assume it’s because they disagree based on that same value system. Now, sometimes that’s true, but often it’s not, and the other person has a completely different value system. In my case, I had to accept that most people just don’t value personal freedom as much as I do. On the other hand, they do value community more than I do. And that’s okay! Those are different value sets, and once I got that, I understood why pure libertarianism will never work. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find common ground and shared goals, once I understood how to approach them.

A non-political example would be pet ownership. Owning a dog entails a lot of things, including walking them, cleaning up after them, feeding them, etc. Some people will say this isn’t a lot of work. Other people might even say this is fun. Some people think it’s a lot of work. Then there’s the expenses such as food, medical bills, toys, adorable outfits for TikTik videos, and so on. Again, some people think it’s worth it, some don’t. But you’re all working within the same value system. As soon as someone says they don’t like dogs, people view them as evil. (They might just happen to prefer cats.) And of course, we don’t negotiate with terrorists. You see where I’m going here?

SHOW YOUR WORK

The next big issue is that people have a tendency to assume WAY too much. A big example that came up recently for me was school vouchers. Now, I was a big proponent of school vouchers for a long time. The only argument I ever heard against it (or several variations on the theme) was basically “they take money out of the public schools and put them in the private schools!”

You don’t say.

This, children, is what we in the industry call “a feature, not a bug.” People who support school vouchers generally want to take money out of the public school system. They believe that the public school system is inefficient and bloated, whether or not this is accurate. When you keep harping on the same point, especially one that your opponent actively desires, you’re not going to change minds.

Then one day, I heard a report on NPR (that liberal bastion) that actually resonated with me. Now, if any of these points seem blazingly obvious to you, I want you to kick yourself in the ass, because this is exactly what I’m trying to make a point out about. This report pointed out how school vouchers pull money out of schools in areas with many lower-income families. They divert that money to private schools in wealthier districts. This process forces poorer families into an impossible choice. They must send their kids to even more deprived schools or find a way to get their kids to a school halfway across the city without school buses. Public transportation? Yeah, that’s safe. Uber? Did I mention poverty. Speaking of which, private schools mean private school costs like books, uniforms, food, and all the other things vouchers don’t cover, like the other half of the tuition.

Again, if this all seems obvious to you, give yourself a big kick in the ass. For years, I never heard any of these arguments being brought up. All I heard was “it’s a big giveaway to the rich!” Which, yeah, once you SHOW YOUR WORK, it really looks like way. But until you do, it just sounds like the standard liberal hobby horse: eat the rich. On this and so many issues, if you actually show the work, explain where you’re coming from instead of assuming it’s obvious, sometimes people come around. What’s the worst thing that happens, they still disagree with you?

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU

Look, I get it. For a lot of people, the Republicans being in power is, literally, an existential threat. I’m sure at this point some folks are tempted to say “what would you know about it, Bob? Must be easy to sit there in your straight, white, middle-class maleness and say it. You don’t have to live it.” Yeah, try adding disabled pagan to that and think again. I lived several months in Indiana. Every time I heard “Didn’t see you in church Sunday” with that look, I got real uncomfortable. I changed the subject real quick. So yeah, I have it easier than a lot of folks, but not so easy as you think.

But I truly believe there’s a whole lot of folks who aren’t out there trying to roll back the clock to the days when “colored folk knew their place, dammit!” Rather, I think a lot of folks are trying to roll back the calendar to when they could go to the grocery store without having to take out another mortgage. Is that the fault of the Democrats? Maybe not. But the perception is that Joe Biden was in charge of the country when the economy went to shit. Inflation went through the roof. People couldn’t afford to live their lives. Meanwhile, they look back and when they think of Covid (if they think of it at all), a lot of them think that it can’t happen again. Or if it does they think that Trump got the vaccine out quick (again, perception versus reality).

EXCEPT IT KINDA IS

Speaking of perception versus reality, there’s a perception, fair or not, that Democrats care about the flavor of the month “special interest group” rather than America as a whole. This comes from a lot of little things that get turned into big things, but also the fact that Democrats really focus hard on the things that matter to them and damn the consequences. That passion can be great. It can also lose the middle. Let’s face i, if “turning out the base” was a winning strategy, it would have succeeded here. Instead, Trump GAINED over his last performance. And it’s not groundless, as so many people like to claim. Here’s one of my favorite examples: Remember the #MeToo movement? How it was all about women being sexually harassed in the workplace, and how it was about bringing attention to women being sexually assaulted? Yeah, about that. Terry Crews was one of the first celebrities to come out about his sexual assault. Brendan Fraser spoke out about his assault, and it was waved away as “just a joke.” Soon enough all male stories were swept away as the movement became one of female empowerment. We hear stories about how few women are in the C-suite. This is true. But how often do we hear about the gender imbalance in “lesser” professions? They’re called garbage men for a reason after all. The gender breakdown for the psychology profession according to the American Psychological Association is 69/31… in favor of women. I could go on, but I don’t want to be accused of cherry picking. The point I’m trying to make here is that there seems to be a strong focus on social justice in many cases. In contrast, the lived experience of over half the country is different. Those who have the power and the money are white men. Yet, not all white men have money and power. It’s like how a square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square. The same can be said for groups like Asians and Jews. These groups often face persecution. However, they don’t receive social justice support. (One of my exes referred to Jews like herself as “Schrodinger’s White People: we’re only white when it counts against us.”) I don’t want to try to speak for groups I’m not a part of, but I have heard plenty of complaints from people in those groups, and there are some legitimate issues that need to be addressed.

I’M NOT ALLOWED TO NOT CARE

At what point did silence become violence? No, seriously, because I got an English degree, and last I checked, words mean things. This isn’t a problem just for the Left. The Right is equally bad at not letting me have an opinion on their pet issues. But I gotta tell ya, the Left is way more aggressive about it on a lot more issues. The whole “you’re with me or you’re against me” thing? Read that sentence carefully and think about the potential ramifications. Now try this one on for size: “If you’re not with me, please stay out of my way.”  Do you see a potential difference? This again circles back around to the whole “righteousness” thing. If you’re so determined to force people to choose a side, you damn well better make sure they’re going to choose your side. Because all it takes is… well, 51% of people deciding not to. On the other hand, if you just ease up a little on the throttle and let people say, “I may not agree with you, but I sure as shit don’t agree with THEM,” you might find 49% of people agree with you… but only 48% of people agree with them. It’s a small difference but it can be enough.

IS THE PRICE OF POWER YOUR SOUL?

I get it, I do. It seemed like Progressivism was having a Moment. Pushing hard for what you believe in, especially when it seems like you can finally overcome the inertia of millennia is a huge high, and like my Dad always said, “when you’re top dog, you gotta hump for all you’re worth.” The problem is the harder you push, the harder you get pushed back. It doesn’t help when you demand tolerance and respect and all you offer in return is intolerance and disrespect for anyone who deviates from your vision of the world as it should be, not the world as it is. And yet… I circle back around to the fact that I am not unsympathetic to the fact that the current Republican platform is literally an existential threat  to a not-insignificant number of people. How do you thread that needle? How do you stand tall against the monsters without alienating people who just have different but still acceptable values? Where even is that line?

SO WHAT’S YOUR SOLUTION, SMART ASS?

First, let me congratulate anyone who even made it this far. Even if you’re just taking notes to put me on blast, I know a lot of what I wrote here wasn’t easy to get through (and not just because of me being barely literate.) Second, I’m going to admit up front I don’t have the answers. No, not any of them. What, did you think I was some sort of political guru? People, I write fart jokes on the internet for an audience of three people, two of whom are related to me. If I had the answers I would be selling them, not giving them away for free.

If you’re expecting some pithy bit of wisdom like “get woke, go broke,” I’m going to have to disappoint you. Like I said before, I voted for Kamala Harris not just because she wasn’t Donald Trump, but because I thought she had the superior vision for the country. But here’s the thing: I didn’t get there overnight. It took YEARS to get me there. And it wasn’t because a lot of angry people yelled at me and told me the world was a shit show because of me, and that I had to be ready to move over and let someone else have power. It was because friends, family, and respectful colleagues took the time to respectfully  listen to me, hear what my concerns were, address my pain points, sharing their stories without casting blame, and avoiding judgement by association. That’s not to say we didn’t have disagreements, sometimes deep ones, but we at least tried to work them out, and sometimes agreed to disagree. And yeah, there were times when I slipped backwards, usually because someone in the media targeted an identity group I am a part of and blamed all the worlds ills on it. Big hint time: if I wanted to associate with a bunch of assholes who think tolerance is only associating with people who already look like you, think like you, and act like you, I would be a Republican.

Is that going to be enough? Obviously not. But it would be a start.