Bob’s Jukebox: Sonic Jihad

Posted: August 5, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

I’ll be the first to admit, I have quite a few albums in my collection that I only bought because I liked one song on them, and there was a stretch of time (let’s call them “the 90s”) where you couldn’t really buy singles. I tried to hold off unless I knew at least three songs off an album, a trick My Not So Humble Sister taught me back in the days when you actually could buy singles (one of many life skills I have tragically outgrown; back then the cost of three singles was higher than the price of the entire album).

Of course, these days you can buy almost any song digitally as a single, and most music is available streaming. But as I have discovered to my dismay, there are plenty of cultural artifacts (music, TV, movies, and more) that are falling down what a friend of mine has dubbed the “digital memory hole”, as they are not available on any digital platform, so it is best to hang on to a physical copy of anything you are serious about enjoying in more than the most ephemeral sense. And that also brings to the fore the issue that, unless you have virtually unlimited resources, the fragmentation of entertainment has gotten to the point that the availability of any given piece of entertainment relies as much on luck as it does on careful planning. But now I’m just becoming the old man shaking his fist at the cloud (in more than one sense of the word).

Before I got off on my tangent about getting off my lawn, I was talking about albums I bought because of a single song, specifically because of Snake River Conspiracy’s Sonic Jihad. They had a bit of success around the turn of the millennium with their cover of “How Soon is Now?”, which I maintain to this day is the best cover I have ever heard of that song or of the Smiths in general (and Dr. Pat, you can just go back to watching Charmed, I’ll talk about Love Spit Love when I’m good and ready). Since I’m going off on tangents anyway, I might as well go off on a tangent about covers, since this one (as well as another on this album, a cover of “Lovesong” by the Cure) manage to be exactly what I look for in a cover. That is, close enough to the original to be easily identifiable as a cover (at least to those who are familiar with the original song) while sting being innovative enough to feel like an original composition. There’s nothing wrong with a band doing a song “straight” as it were, but then it doesn’t feel like they’re bringing anything new to it, and I have to ask, “why did you decide to perform this song?” A tribute is well and good, but even then, it’s better to add something fresh, to say “here’s what I wanted to say/what this song means to me.”

But once again, I should probably talk about the album itself. This turned out to be a delightful surprise. Their style is defined as “industrial rock”, along the lines of Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson, which checks out. I’m not a huge fan of the genre, but I enjoy it, and that’s about where I fall with this album: not a huge fan, but I enjoy it. There are no songs on the album I particularly dislike, although a few fall in the category of “meh” (“Breed”, “Strangled”, “Oh, Well”). A couple of them of them are “like, but not love” (“Act Your Age”, “Somebody Hates You”), and there are some that I really do feel are standouts (“Casualty”, “You and Your Friend”, “Lovesong”, “Vulcan”, “More Than Love”, “How Soon Is Now?”). There’s a lot of variety in terms of tone and content, even staying within the same broad style, and they deserve a lot of credit for that exploration.

That having been said, it turns out that about half the album is covers, which if I’m being honest somewhat takes away from my admiration for the group. Not that I have anything against covers per se, but there’s a not-very-fine-line between “doing a couple covers” and “basically being a cover band”. When roughly half of your album is cover songs, I think you’re walking right up to that line, and you may even be stepping across it. Which is a shame because there’s clearly a lot of talent here. Tobey Torres has amazing vocal range and capability, and I would love to hear more of her.

Clearly my take away is if you have any interest or admiration for industrial rock or female vocalists in general, I give Sonic Jihad a solid recommendation. It definitely earns the “Parental Advisory – Explicit Content” sticker, so if that’s going to turn you away, don’t say you weren’t warned. But otherwise give this one a try.

Bob’s Jukebox: Lincoln

Posted: July 28, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I decided to pull out something random for this week, and I guess it’s true what they say – be careful what you ask for. Strap in kids, it’s gonna get a little bit weird. Our selection for this week is They Might Be Giant’s Lincoln.

I first heard this album back in high school, although it wasn’t the first album I heard by TMBG. That would be Flood, which we’ll get to eventually, I’m sure. I vaguely recall at least some people giving me a rash of shit about not having heard of Lincoln when I was listening to Flood one time, and I don’t know to this day if they actually thought it was a superior album or if they were just proto-hipsters determined to make a big deal about the fact that they liked the band before they were cool. Personally, I preferred Flood then and now, but that’s neither here nor there.

The first thing I notice about Lincoln is that it involves a lot of word play, and not particularly clever word play, so much as weird word play. Not to say there’s isn’t a certain cleverness in the word play, and it does have the quirky rhythm and flow that is unique to TMBG, but the oddity of it seems to lean into “weird for the sake of being weird” rather than “weird because we’re trying to make an artistic statement” or “weird because metaphor be like that, yo”. And I am fully willing to acknowledge two things: first, that not all of the weird word play misses its mark of being satire: “Purple Toupee”, “Pencil Rain”, and “Kiss Me, Son of God” are not exactly subtle satire. But a lack of subtlety does not excuse an overabundance of inanity (and that’s ME saying that).

Before it sounds like I’m trying to completely poo-poo all the “weirder” songs on the album, I enjoy some of the more “out there” songs specifically because they are doing something different, but they aren’t trying to do too much at once. Which is to say, they nicely balance their lyrical explorations with a musical joi de vive and lightness that is missing from those other songs. In particular I’m thinking of “Where Your Eyes Don’t Go”, “The World’s Address”, and “Snowball in Hell”.

“Santa’s Beard” seems to be mean for the sake of being mean. “Ana Ng” and “They’ll Need a Crane” are the stand out songs that are about as close to approachable as I think you’ll find on this album, which honestly isn’t saying much. It seems to be telling that both of these songs are about troubled relationships.

Here’s the thing I’ve found about They Might Be Giants: they’re not the kind of band I can really just sit down and listen to cold. I have to listen to them several times, either all at once or (preferably) over the span of several days or a couple weeks. The first time I hear them I find them annoying and try-hard, college radio holdovers who had a couple of catchy songs that hit big. After I’ve listened a few times, they start to infect my brain, the different musical styles they range across keeping me from comfortably boxing them away and ignoring them long enough to hook me. That gives the lyrics and the music time to remind me that I actually do like them, at least somewhat. They’ll never be my favorite band, nor will I ever understand the fascination some people seem to have with them, but I can still enjoy their music.

Bob’s Jukebox: Lost Mixes – Extended Ecstasy

Posted: July 23, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

I originally bought this CD a few decades ago, so my memory around it is a little hazy. As I recall, I picked it up because it had extended remixes for a couple songs I already had in my collection, as well as a couple others I didn’t have but knew I liked. I was getting it used, so I figured it was a bargain. And I was mostly right.

As one reviewer on Amazon put it, if you love the dance music of the late 80s and early 90s, this one is going to be right up your alley. Another way to put it is that the average track length on this record is 6-7 minutes, so hope you’re not going anywhere for a while. There may only be 8 songs on the album, but it still weighs in at a play time of almost an hour. These are, indeed, “Extended Ecstasy”. Mostly.

“Kiss and Tell”, “Little Respect” and “Blue Monday” don’t sound all that different from their original versions to me, although I’m not such a huge music buff that I could definitively say “ooh, that’s a huge difference”. For the most part it just sounds to me like they looped the same music for an extra few minutes, called it an “extended mix”, and collected an extra paycheck. By contrast ”Roam” and “Crazy” definitely have some differences, enough to warrant being called a different mix. I don’t know “Sunshine and Ecstasy” or “Loaded” outside of this album to offer an opinion on whether or not they justify being called a remix.

Which brings us to the ultimate question, “Is it worth buying the album?” And I guess that depends on why you’re considering buying it. Like I said at the start, if you love the dance music of the late 80s and early 90s, yeah, might as well. Even the tracks that don’t sound significantly different from their originals are still some of the best dance music of the era, and the ones that are different are particularly good examples of the remix genre.

Another reason to buy the album would be if you’re just starting out as a DJ and hope to someday be as good as My Not So Humble Brother-in-Law. These remixes are basically tailor-made for mixing, with long stretches of instrumentals and simple beats that all but make this album “My First DJ Kit”.

Or if you’re just looking for something to throw on and mindlessly dance for an hour, this is a great choice. It’s well balanced and fun. Nothing wrong with that either.

Bob’s Jukebox: A Momentary Lapse of Reason

Posted: July 15, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This week on Bob’s Jukebox, I’ll be discussing the Pink Floyd album A Momentary Lapse of Reason. This is another one I’ve spoken about previously, just over ten years ago, so I don’t blame anyone for not remembering (and this is a bit of a different and more expansive take). At some point I will be discussing (most) every Pink Floyd album, although I don’t want to focus on any one artist for an extended period of time, even if they are the greatest artist of all time. Don’t take it from me; it was voted on all the way back in 2014 for Bobapalooza: Clash of the Titans. And no, I didn’t rig the voting. Who do I look like, the IOC?

So why start with this one, you may ask? It’s quite simple, really. This was the first Pink Floyd album I ever heard, and it started my lifelong fandom.

Go ahead, gasp in shock and dismay. Yes, as a matter of fact I was born under a rock and then raised by wolves. In a barn. On Mars. Are we done here?

I distinctly remember seeing the video for “Learning to Fly” on MTV (and if that doesn’t make me sound old, nothing will) and the sound captured me completely. I had to find more of this incredible new band. The entire album was intoxicating, and when I found out they had so many (allegedly better) albums out there, I started slowly working my way through their back catalogue. We’ll get to those albums eventually, but one thing at a time. (Don’t worry, I’ll be doing the entirety of The Wall as a single post.)

Pink Floyd is another one of those artists that you just can’t compare to other artists, because they’re just that good; you can only compare them to themselves. Is Momentary Lapse the best Pink Floyd album in existence? No, but it is my baseline for what a good Pink Floyd album should be (“you must be at least this quality to be considered good”). We’ll discuss my favorites as we get to them, and this isn’t one of my top three, but it is one of my top five… or six, depending on how you count them. We’ll get to that too.

Right from the start, the use of ambient sound leading into an instrumental on “Signs of Life” just works for me. This album probably has my favorite use of instrumentals paired with ambient sound outside of Animals, and yes, I realize that’s a bold statement considering that both Wish You Were Here and Dark Side of the Moon exist. I said probably, and I love each of them for their own reasons. “Learning to Fly” as previously mentioned is sublime.

“Dogs of War” is the turd in the punch bowl. It is the rare Pink Floyd song I just don’t much care for. It’s derivative and boring. I usually skip past it. But I promised myself I would listen to the entire album, and listen I did. My opinion has not changed.

Fortunately, we then get into the meat of the album, where the music and the lyrics combine together into something truly magical. Again, not the best Pink Floyd ever produced, but still well worth the price of admission. Even decades later, lyrics like “Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love? / Was it the hand of fate, that seemed to fit just like a glove?” hit like a hammer. Even when the lyrics don’t quite rise to that level (“Yet Another Movie”, I’m looking in your direction), Gilmour’s guitar work is still delightful.

Overall, this was the perfect introduction to Pink Floyd. It’s middle of the road (for Floyd), not their best album by a long shot but far from their worst either (and I can’t wait to see the flack I get when we get to that one).

Bob’s Jukebox: Glass Houses

Posted: July 8, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

A while back, a good friend of mine (Dr. Pat) used to spend every Friday night doing what he called a “Full Album Flashback”. He would listen to an entire album (and when was the last time you even SAW an entire album?), and he would post his thoughts on the Book of Faces. I was intrigued by the idea and thought I would like to brazenly steal it for myself borrow it and give credit where credit is due. So, thank you Dr. Pat for the inspiration for Bob’s Jukebox.

What is that exactly? Well, I have an old collection of CDs sitting around, roughly 300 or so, that I haven’t really listened to in a decade or longer, and I thought now’s as good a time as any. I also know for a fact I bought at least some *cough*most*cough* of them for only a few songs at best. So actually taking the time to listen to the entire album will be a new experience for me. Good? Bad? Indifferent? We’ll find out together!

I decided the perfect album to kick this off with was the first “real” album I can ever remember listening to, Glass Houses by Billy Joel. I suppose there’s a certain synchronicity that the first album I started Bob’s Jukebox with is also, completely unintentionally, the first album I used to start The Soundtrack of My Life. Hopefully in the future I’ll manage to be a little less predictable, but I somehow doubt it.

Before I get into my specific thoughts on this album, I think it is worth mentioning that I consider Billy Joel to be on a special tier of artists who can’t be fairly compared to other artists. When I say a particular Billy Joel album is “good” or “bad”, I am speaking in relation to other Billy Joel albums. I don’t honestly think there are any truly, objectively bad Billy Joel albums (although some do come close to being mediocre, and we’ll discuss those when we get to them).

Glass Houses is the seventh studio album from Billy Joel, which honestly surprised me when I looked it up. I’ll be discussing his other albums (at least some of them) in future posts but suffice to say I was more impressed with at least one of his earlier releases, significantly more in fact. I’ll let you guess in the comments which one that is (all of you except Dr. Pat, because he already knows for a fact which one it is). The lyrical ability he displays on this album is more clever than poignant or deep, with memorable hits such as “You May Be Right” and “It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me” showing an ability to turn a clever phrase without significant depth, and “C’etait Toi (You Were the One)” honestly just feels like a failed attempt at looking sophisticated (really, an entire verse in French? Even worse, the same verse? I thought my teenage poetry was pompous, but damn.)

His great strength lies in storytelling, and the more relatable the story, the better the song. “All for Layna” and “I Don’t Want to Be Alone” are perfect examples of this, as is “Sleeping with the Television On” (which also does an excellent job of placing the album within a specific few decades within the US; listen to the song and if you know, you know.)

At this point he still is a young, perhaps not angry but definitely cynical man. How much you can relate to that may influence how much you enjoy his music. Also, it is to some extent of its place and time. There is no doubt that Billy Joel has a certain style, particularly early in his career, and while that style did evolve over time, on Glass Houses it is in full force and clearly on display. If you like that style, you’ll like this album. If you don’t, you won’t. It really is that simple. For myself, this still remains one of my top five Billy Joel albums, and arguably one of my top three. I freely admit nostalgia plays a certain role in that, but there honestly are no bad songs on the album (even “C’etait Toi”, for all that I love to give him shit for it), and only a couple of truly forgettable songs. The fact that a couple of my very favorite Billy Joel songs are on this album, along with some of his biggest hits (and no, they are not one and the same in this case; again, different albums yield different results) sets it high on my personal ranking.

My Favorite Movies (That You’ve Never Seen): Beautiful Disasters

Posted: October 28, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Culture | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

Some of my friends accuse me of enjoying shitty movies just because they’re bad. I would like to set the record straight: I love truly awful movies that go above and beyond, that have a certain something special that transcends simply being a bad movie. I’ve already mentioned Flash Gordon and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (in the same post, no less!), which gives you an indication of just how far I’m willing to go to get my bad movie fix. But they’re more than schlocky scripts, bad dialogue, stilted acting (Hayden Christensen, I’m looking in your direction), or bizarre plots. There has to be something extra, something that just calls out to me and says, “this is a beautiful disaster”. I offer you some of my favorites here.

Howard the Duck (1986) – I’m not going to cry “spoiler alert” at this point, because if you haven’t seen Guardians of the Galaxy by now and bothered to watch the after-credits scene then shame on you (plus as I’ve already established, we’re well outside the “no spoilers” zone). So yeah, the point is I nearly wet myself when I saw that scene, because I LOVED the original Howard the Duck movie. It was such a train wreck, I couldn’t get enough. Really, what’s not to love? Starring a young Lea Thompson and Tim Robbins (yes, that Tim Robbins) and produced by George “I’ll never make another Star Wars… well, maybe just one more” Lucas, this movie is basically the story of a sarcastic, cigar smoking humanoid duck pulled to Earth from an alternate dimension by a laser beam who has to help fight off an intergalactic evil and save the universe with the help of a singer and a lab assistant. No, I am not making that up. I would try to say more, but really there’s nothing else to say. If that’s not enough to entice you, just wait for the remake (coming soon, I hope).

Popeye (1980) – I was as saddened as anyone by the passing of Robin Williams, and I do not intend to speak ill of the dead. Just getting that out there now, because the truth is I really do like this movie. I just have no idea why it ever got made. What makes this movie fascinating for me is the production value. This really is a great movie. The acting is superb, the make-up is fantastic, the sets are gorgeous. Williams absolutely nails his character, and Shelley Duvall is outstanding as Olive Oyl. Everything looks and feels like a fully realized real-life rendition of a Popeye comic strip.  The only question is “why?” There are a few stand out things that make this movie such a beautiful disaster. First, I have no idea who was crying out in 1980 for a film adaptation of Popeye. Second, I have no idea who thought to themselves, “You know what the world really needs? A Popeye musical.” (You read that right.) Third, I have no idea how this movie ever managed to get made, considering how truly bizarre it is when you get down to it. The only answer I can seem to find to any of those questions seems to be director Robert Altman, who had the vision and skill to pull it all off. If you’re into quirky or surreal movies, you need to see this one.

License to Drive (1988) – Ah, the Coreys. Heartthrobs of the 80s, who peaked far too soon, and in my book forever known for their much better roles (a relative statement to be sure) in The Lost Boys. That having been said, this slightly off-beat teen rom-com is still enjoyable, if for no other reason than the shear slow-motion train wreck factor. It’s almost as if you can watch their careers coming to a screeching halt as the movie progresses. The chance to see a very young Heather Graham in her first big movie role (and a painfully awkward one at that) is a special bonus. Come for the flashback, stay for the travesty.

Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin

Posted: March 31, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Culture, Humor, Internet | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

In case you missed it, Stephen Colbert got into a bit of trouble on Twitter this past week due to a tweet that went out over a Comedy Central controlled Twitter account for his show. Things got very ugly very quickly, including calls for his job and the hashtag #CancelCorbert.

Let me start by saying I am not here to defend the tweet. I think we can all agree it crossed a line, at least for Twitter (some argue it was acceptable in context during the show; having not seen it, I can’t take a stand either way). That having been said, I do think there is something to be said for a wider context that is being ignored, one that has value and validity beyond the scope of a single show: the nature of comedy itself.

I’ve been writing comedy in one medium or another for almost twenty years now, and I’ve always kept two rules in mind. The first is a joke that goes all the way back to vaudeville: “dying is easy; comedy is hard.” Everyone thinks being funny is easy right up until they try it. Even telling a joke someone else came up with takes timing, skill, and panache; being original and funny is exponentially harder. The second rule is one I learned back in college: the more offensive the joke is, the funnier it needs to be. Let’s not kid ourselves, there’s hardly anything in this world that isn’t offensive that is laugh out loud funny. Hitting the balance between “bust a gut” and “bust you in the mouth” is difficult, and it’s easy to miss the mark.

There are other complicating factors as well. Comedy is a moving target for a lot of reasons. One of them is that societal mores are always in flux. What was hilarious ten years ago is kind of uncomfortable today and will be outright taboo next week. The same thing happens in reverse. What’s more, comedy often plays a role in that social change, pushing boundaries, creating safer spaces in which we can talk openly about things that are forbidden in “polite” conversation. The down side of that is that it becomes easy to step on toes, go too far, and yes, even cross a line.

Another complicating factor is that, like it or not, comedy IS contextual. If you read a transcript of almost any performance by Bill Cosby, you might chuckle, or you might just say “I don’t see what’s so funny.” But when you watch him in action, it’s a whole different story. Pitch, tone, pacing, facial expressions, everything he does goes into his comedy. My father used to say that Chevy Chase could make him laugh just by walking into a room. Truth is he can do the same thing for me, but that doesn’t translate to Twitter.

Finally, sometimes you’re just under the gun and a bad joke gets through. It’s easy to sit back and play armchair comedian, complaining how “he should never have said that.” We’ve all done it. But how easy is it to write a half-hour of humor five nights a week? Even with a writing team, it gets exhausting. I used to do 1,000 words of humor a week, and I only lasted a couple of years with breaks every few months. The Colbert Report has been running for almost ten years, with over 1,300 episodes. That’s almost 500 hours of jokes. Is it remotely possible that a bad one might slip through now and then?

Once again, I’m not saying that nobody should be offended. It was offensive, and deliberately so. It was inappropriate for the medium, and hopefully will not be repeated. But calls to fire Colbert or cancel the show are misguided at best and opportunistic grandstanding at worst. There are better things to rage against.

My Favorite Comedy Movies (That You’ve Never Seen)

Posted: February 27, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Culture | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

There are a lot of great comedies out there, well-known and deservedly so. Dr. Strangelove, Blazing Saddles, Airplane!, even Ghostbusters are all famous for making people laugh for decades. In the wake of the passing of comedy legend Harold Ramis, I’d like to take the opportunity to spotlight a few of my favorite comedies that aren’t so widely known, but deserve to be praised just the same.

Dr. Detroit (1983) – It only seems right to start with this 80’s gem that stars Ghostbusters co-star Dan Aykroyd as a college literature professor who gets suckered into “managing” four beautiful prostitutes in Chicago. (Once again, I am not making this up.) This movie is 80’s screwball comedy at its finest, with Dan Aykroyd turning in a stellar Jekyll-and-Hyde-esque performance, only in this case it’s all an act until the final reveal. Fans of 80’s beauties will be pleased to see Donna Dixon at her finest, and a young Fran Drescher takes a turn at the risqué long before her debut on The Nanny.

The Big Hit (1998) – Coming out in the same year as The Big Lewbowski, it seemed among my friends you could only love one of the “Bigs”, and personally I have never understood how anyone  can even sit through The Big Lebowski. But I digress. The Big Hit is a throwback to that 80’s screwball style, with class, gender, and role-reversals abounding throughout the film. In particular the concept of the sympathetic, pushover hitman is innovative and fun, and played with remarkable skill by Mark Wahlberg, while Lou Diamond Phillips turns in a surprisingly funny yet loathsome villain. Fans of One Crazy Summer or Better Off Dead will find a lot to like here (especially the “Trace Buster Buster”).

PCU (1994) – I know I said this was all because of Harold Ramis, and truly it was inspired by Harold Ramis, but the world is not about Harold Ramis. I only say this because I do not now nor have I ever been able to grasp the obsession some people seem to have with Animal House. There are a few good lines, but that’s it. The movie does nothing for me. Sorry, but that’s just how I feel. Maybe it’s a generational thing. As far as I’m concerned, you can keep Animal House. This is my offensive college movie of choice. Jeremy Piven as Droz represents the modern character of the “big man on campus”, slightly rumpled, disheveled, and a few years past the prime of what a college student should be. The exaggeration of the oppressive PC culture on display is (sadly) even closer to the mark today than it was when the film was first released (although nobody is spared the barb, even the protagonists). Unabashedly rude, shamelessly corrupting, and magnificently over the top, I recommend this film to anyone who can laugh at themselves.

Escape from Modernity

Posted: October 28, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Culture | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

Recently I was listening to the radio (okay, I was in the car and I happened to have the radio on) and I heard an interview with director Randy Moore about his new satire Escape from Tomorrow. It was the first I had heard of the film, which is not terribly surprising since I’ve never really been a film festival kind of guy, but I think I may end up seeing this one. It’s not that I have anything personal against the Big Mouse, it’s just that I think he made an important point in this article:

“Branding is so much a part of our culture, and it’s everywhere. And (Disney) is everywhere. They’re so ubiquitous, you can’t get away from them even if you tried… To not be able to comment or critique or parody that (ubiquity), I just think it’s morally unacceptable.”

However, in the interview I heard he also made another point that, while I think it’s important, makes me feel he missed the mark somewhat by targeting Disney specifically. He said (and I can’t seem to find the interview online, so forgive me for paraphrasing) that the theme of the film is that you can’t be happy all the time. I think that’s an excellent point, especially in an age and culture where we have lost sight of the idea of contentment and we are constantly being sold happiness in its stead. I believe Dennis Leary put it best in his stand-up routine No Cure for Cancer:

“Happiness comes in small doses folks. It’s a cigarette butt, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm. You come, you smoke the butt, you eat the cookie, you go to sleep, wake up and go back to fucking work the next morning, THAT’S IT! End of fucking list!”

So yeah. While there’s something to be said for taking a few shots at (as Moore describes them) a “ubiquitous” company that specializes in selling happiness, I think there’s something he loses sight of: Disney is only selling what we’re buying. Yes, Disney Theme Parks™ are the Happiest Place On Earth™ (made so, I have been told by a former employee, by sucking all the happiness out of their employees, powdering it, and then sprinkling it over the park; that’s your “fairy dust”), but they don’t force anyone to go there and then whistle Zippy-Doo-Da out of their assholes a-la Clark Griswald. I think there may be more to be found in making a movie that critically examines a culture fixated on perpetual bliss, rather than the companies that strive to provide it.

Which is not to say those companies deserve to be completely let off the hook; they are a part of the culture, they help make and drive that culture, and they deserve a certain amount of grilling in the space of exploring that culture. But to single out one company for catering to the desires of people to have happiness is akin to blaming one company for Americans being obese.

Quarterly Report: Blinded Me With Science!

Posted: October 7, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Culture, Internet | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

As some of you may recall, I signed up for two different packages from the online service Quarterly. The first to arrive of the tandem is the Technology and Toys box, of which so far I’ve already reviewed one (which you can see here). The second arrived just last week, but with everything going on I haven’t had time to write up a proper review until now. I know, I know, just like I said to the postman, “I don’t care about your problems, I only want to know what’s in the box!” Well, here we go.

First up, I found a set of paper robots.

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All your base are belong to us.

I have to admit, this was an awesome find for me. I can remember going to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum all the time as a kid, and while I never got anything from the gift shop, this is exactly the kind of thing I would pick up and look at longingly while my Not So Humble Mother would wait for me to figure out she wasn’t going to buy me yet another toy that was going to sit around my room untouched for weeks before she finally had to throw it out. Fortunately I’m a big boy now, and I can add this to my growing collection of toys that sits around my room unplayed with that My Not So Humble Wife never gets to throw away at all, because it’s called a “man cave” now, and I can still claim I’ll get around to putting them together someday when I just have the time and didn’t you want me to mow the lawn today?

And speaking of robot toys that are right up my alley, the next item really grabbed my attention:

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Danger, WIll Robinson! Danger!

Yes, that’s a tin wind-up robot. It’s only a couple inches tall, but that just makes it that much easier for it to scoot across the table. I especially love that I got the one named “Ima-Robot”. This is exactly the sort of goofy little toy that appeals to me, and it went right into my kitsch collection in my office along with my Pip-Boy Bobble Head and Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

The next item in the box was only vaguely appealing to me, but at least I can understand why they included it in the Technology and Toys box, and My Not So Humble Wife is quite fond of it. It’s…. sand. Yes, you read that right.

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Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream…

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Still not kidding.

In case you’re wondering “what could this stuff be?” I’ll tell you right now it’s exactly what it says on the label. It’s sand. It never dries out, it’s not too damp, and it’s just like playing with sand at the beach. I personally found it entertaining for about 30 seconds, but My Not So Humble Wife is a notorious fidget and it has kept her busy for hours, so looks like we have a winner with this one.

Alas, the same could not be said for the final item in the box.

I've got style!

I’ve got style!

Yes, it’s a stylus for all your electronic gadgets. Honestly this is the sort of thing I would expect to buy on my own if I felt I needed one, and if I don’t feel a need for one I would never use one even if someone game me one. *cough* *cough* The problem is I see this going one of two ways. Even though I have exceptionally fat fingers for a man of my slender build, the problem is that either I will find it incredibly useless and will throw it away within a week, or I will get used to it and then I will lose it within a day or so of deciding I have no idea how I ever lived without it. I just don’t see the win here. I also don’t see how this relates to “Toys”, although it’s definitely “Technology”.

So here’s the final verdict: all told a cool box this month, but overall I still didn’t find enough here to justify the $50 price tag, even accounting for someone going to the trouble of curating all the items for me. It just doesn’t have enough of the “fun” or “cool” factor to say “I don’t mind paying extra to have someone pick this stuff out”, nor is there sufficient value in the goodies present to say I got enough to be fully satisfied, although it came a lot closer this time than last time. Your mileage may differ, and if you see enough stuff you like I still recommend checking it out. Also if you think you might like any of the other options, of which there are many, sign up now, because more than a few are sold out (including some of the ones I was thinking of switching to). You can sign up for the waiting list, but three months is already long enough to wait between packages. Don’t wait any longer than you have to.

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