How is This Still a Thing?
Posted: October 26, 2012 Filed under: Culture, Politics | Tags: America, culture, freedom of speech, language, men, political correctness, politics, women 3 CommentsI’m going to go out on a limb and assume I’m going to offend some folks with this post, most likely some of the same people I offended when I addressed my issues with feminism, but I’d like to state for the record that I am not blaming feminism for this one. I am blaming cowardice and stupidity. If you are offended by anything I have to say in this post, I will gladly address your concerns, but I wanted to get that out there first.
So I recently found out that the University of North Carolina – Chapel Hill has removed the word “freshmen” from official documents to adopt more “gender inclusive language”. Point of fact, according to the linked article the policy change occurred in 2009, but then I don’t stay abreast of every action I find idiotic in the world, just the ones that come knocking on my doorstep. It’s not even that I find this terribly shocking in and of itself, since this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of something like this happening, it’s the fact that something like this is still happening in 2009.
Look, I love the English language, and I get as much as anyone that words have power. I use them every day, in my job and in my hobby (you’re reading the latter right now, if I haven’t offended you too much already). But there has to be a point at which we say that while words have meaning, there is such a thing as reading too much meaning into words. I realize the deconstructionists out there will disagree with me, as will certain others, but where do we draw the line?
I cite as an example, and the reason I say “why is this still a thing?” the exact same joke I made when this whole question of language use first came to my attention… back in 1993. That’s right, about twenty years ago. At the time I was joking about the word “humankind”. Obviously this word is offensive, as it contains the word “man” and is meant to refer to all homo sapiens. Therefore we should change it to hupersonkind. However even this is offensive, as it contains the word “son”, which is still gender discriminative, as well as making assumptions about family roles. That simply won’t do. We should therefore make it into “huperchildkind”. The word “kind” may remain as it is an affirmation, and something we should all strive toward being.
Ridiculous? I should say so. And that was my point. Any attempt to change a word simply because it contains within it a masculine form which, within the established rules of the English language is the gender-neutral form, is just that: ridiculous. I’m not aware of attempts to change European languages that default to masculine and feminine forms for inanimate objects, although if those exist I would consider them equally silly. The rules of language may be arbitrary, but they exist and we follow them because they work. Taking offense where none is intended or necessary is just looking for excuses to be angry at the whole damn world for not bending to your whims, and frankly there are better windmills to tilt at.
This is not to say I oppose all attempts to make language gender-neutral. While I abhor such ludicrous neologisms as “actron”, I freely accept the interchangeable use of the gender-neutral term “actor” being applied to men and women who ply the same trade, and a magician is equally as talented (or not) regardless of gender. There are also times and places where gender differences are useful in one’s title; or perhaps you are one of the folks who don’t care if you are served by a masseur or a masseuse. None of these, however, are relevant to the issue above; that is simply a matter of cowardice and stupidity, blindly flailing about in a craven attempt to please all and offend none. The end result is often the exact opposite.
Words matter. They have power. They have meaning. They can be used for so many things, to create joy or sorrow, to enlighten or spread ignorance and fear. So long as we give in to the forces who would take away our words in the name of cowardice and stupidity, all we have left is
A Vote for Me is a Vote for America
Posted: October 22, 2012 Filed under: Culture, Humor, Politics, Satire | Tags: America, comedy, culture, election, humor, politics, pop culture, popular culture, satire, voting 2 CommentsEarly voting has begun, and so I have decided it’s time to announce my candidacy for President of the United States. I was considering explaining my positions on various key issues, but after studying my opponents’ campaigns in depth I realized that was the wrong strategy. Instead I have decided to emulate their approach and connect with you, the voters. I’m going to explain why you should vote for me, because I’m one of you.
If you’re young, hey, I was young once. I get you. If you’re old, I plan to be old someday. And if you’re somewhere in between, that’s where I’m at right now.
If you’re a man, what a coincidence! So am I. And if you’re a woman, hey, let’s hear it for the X chromosome! You’ve got one, I’ve got one, you’ve got another one. It’s like we’re half-sisters!
If you’re poor, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. If you’re rich, I want to know what it’s like. And if you’re in the middle class, I probably live next door to you.
For the white people out there, nothing to worry about, I’m as white as Mitt Romney. And if you’re a minority, I spent a whole half-hour in Southeast D.C. once, so I can relate.
If you’re a college graduate, I’ve been to college. If you’re not a college graduate, neither am I! I’m the middle of the road candidate America has been crying out for.
Hablo español.
If there’s a cause you support, let me assure you that there’s twelve months and 365 days in a year. Depending on the number of votes you can deliver, I can hook you up with an Awareness Month or a federal holiday. Trust me, I’m good for it.
I have voted Republican, Democrat, and Libertarian. No matter what you are for or against, I am both for and against it.
I believe in the same God you do, which is to say I worship the Almighty Dollar.
I’ve been crushed by student debt, I’ve been crushed by credit card debt, and I was crushed when Bella chose Edward over Jacob.
I will never pander for your vote unless you want me to.
I promise to cut taxes, cut the deficit, save Social Security, and save you a bunch of money on your car insurance.
I vow I will not bail out Wall Street, I will bail out Main Street, and I always buy American.
I am The Boy Who Lived.
I believe in climate change, and I’m all for it.
I support the right for any loving couple, no matter their gender, to get a divorce.
I believe America needs to get back to work, and America works best when we all pull together towards a common goal. That’s why I’m asking you, my fellow Americans, to work to support me in my campaign to be President of the United States.
Thank you, and Almighty Dollar bless.
Why Not Everybody Should Go To College (And How to Do It)
Posted: October 15, 2012 Filed under: Culture | Tags: advice, college, culture 1 CommentI know it’s the popular thing these days to wax poetic about the value of a college degree, and at the same time complain about the cost of a college education. I’d like to step back a moment and question both of those, if for no other reason than the logical fallacy of holding both of those positions. I mean, if we value something, isn’t it supposed to cost more? Maybe I got that wrong, but then, I’m still working on my expensive college education. Which is why I’d like to offer some helpful tips to those young enough to still use them (or the parents of those young enough to still use them).
I made most of my mistakes regarding college twenty years ago. The world was a much different place then; it was much more forgiving, at least from what I can tell. Tuition was lower, admission requirements were less stringent, the Mafia couldn’t trace you by your cell phone if you didn’t make your loan payments – well, you get the idea. What was even more glorious was that we still believed the idea that a college degree was worth an extra million dollars or so in lifetime earnings, and that was in 1990 dollars (which actually meant something).
At least, that’s the line we were sold. According to this article by James Harrigan and Antony Davies, that $1,000,000 bonus only comes from the STEM fields – Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. So I guess switching from Theater to English didn’t get me the big pay raise I was expecting. But that doesn’t mean there’s no point in getting a college degree at all, because I’ll be the first to admit, when I hire people I still look at the education line (especially when your work experience basically consists of “Babysitter – Burgerflipper – Senior Burgerflipper” – in that order). It’s just that there’s good reasons to do it, bad reasons to do it, and good and bad ways to go about it.
Before you even decide to go to college, think about what you want to do. Is it something you actually need a degree for? If you plan to be in a rock band, just go start one. I know, lots of people will pan me for this, but hear me out. Chances are you will fail, but a degree isn’t going to change that. Either you can play/sing/whatever you intend to do or you can’t. Define what success will look like in five years, give it five years, and if you aren’t succeeding, re-evaluate your options. “Success” doesn’t have to equate to “superstar”, it can equate to “living off the money we make playing as a band”. But at least you tried.
The same can be said for a lot of other fields. Even if you need some sort of technical knowledge, maybe a trade school is a better (and far less expensive) option than college. If you want to start a business, determine what knowledge you really think you need and see if you can’t get that knowledge through community college classes. Yes, I know everyone makes fun of community college; I did too, but guess what? The people who spend the last six to eight years getting an MBA don’t have a business, they have a mountain of debt.
Speaking of community college, even if you decide you do need a full Bachelor’s degree, why not start at community college and then transfer? Most schools have an arrangement with their local community college network so you can even find out exactly which classes to take to transfer directly over, and you won’t miss a step. Plan it out right and you can even pick up an Associate’s degree along the way just in case anything happens before you finish the Bachelor’s.
Here’s another tip: speaking as an employer, I really don’t care what school you went to unless it’s Harvard or Yale. Now while that’s not 100% true, it’s pretty damn close. There are a handful of schools that are just so good that they are simply known. There’s a few others that have been at the top of their field for long enough that they are known for it. If you are going to one of those schools, they are worth paying a premium price for (in the latter case, you better be getting a degree in that field or you’re throwing your money away). Anywhere else is not worth more than a public university, because no employer will give a damn, but you will have paid more anyway.
Here’s something else to think about: are you ready for school? I mean seriously ready? Because I’ve known plenty of people, myself included, who screwed around their first year or two in college and just wasted lots of money. If I had gotten a job instead I could have screwed around ’til they fired me and had a little money in my pocket. If I had just screwed around in my parents’ house doing nothing I’d at least have broken even. Going to school a year or two later is better than graduating a year or two later anyway but having two extra years of debt.
One final thought: there are jobs out there that will pay for your school. If you think you can handle not having a life for a while, there’s nothing wrong with going to school part-time and working full-time while you let someone else pick up the tab. Even if you just get a part-time job that helps cover the bills, anything to stay out from under those big bills is a help, and there’s nothing wrong with applying for every scholarship under the sun. The best money is free money.
I hope you take my advice, and I hope it does some good. If you can learn from my mistakes, at least they have some value. If you can’t learn from my mistakes, you won’t learn a thing in college.
Anarchy X: The Third Commandment
Posted: October 10, 2012 Filed under: Anarchy X, Culture | Tags: Anarchy X, freedom of speech, religion, Ten Commandments, Third Commandment Leave a comment“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.”
Okay, even I can’t misinterpret or twist this one. It’s pretty much straightforward. I’m not even going to demand a strict interpretation of “JHVH” as the name of God being the only thing that can’t be taken in vain, because that’s just being silly. So in what ways does the Third Commandment affect the broader tapestry of our society? I see it as being in three ways. First, in those who embrace the ideology of the Judeo-Christian framework but then don’t live up to it in the laws they support; second, in those who make any sort of oath using a Torah, Bible, or other holy book derived from the Commandments and then violating that oath; and third in potential conflicts between the Third Commandment and the First Amendment.
For those who subscribe to this particular set of ideals, even without looking more broadly than the Commandments themselves I think there’s a fair bit of potential for conflict. Setting aside any jokes about politicians and adultery, there’s still plenty of arguments to be made. The weakest is regarding taxation, which some have argued is equivalent to theft. I’m not looking to make that argument here (although I may when I get to the Eighth Commandment), but I am putting it out there for consideration. More importantly there’s the question of all the people and politicians who make a big show of their faith and yet also make a big show of support for the death penalty. I’m not sure exactly how they square that with the Sixth Commandment, but that’s another one I’ll discuss further when I get to it. For now, I’m just asking questions.
As far as the taking of oaths, I know it was a requirement at some point to swear on the Bible when taking the stand or taking office, although I’m not sure if that was law or tradition with the force of law, nor am I sure if that is the case anymore. If a non-believer were to take an oath using the Bible, is that a violation of the Third Commandment? What about the many, many times that people have taken oaths, whether it be of office or simply when taking the stand in court proceedings, and then broken those oaths, but they were believers? I assume those are cases where the Commandment was broken. But what if they had no intention of breaking the oath at the time they took it?
Or what if they didn’t want to use the holy book because they felt it was in some way disrespectful? I mean no disrespect to anyone when I say invoking the Bible, the Torah, or the Quran would not influence my feelings about an oath, except perhaps to make me uncomfortable taking it in the first place since I see no reason to mix religion with public matters. But for believers, if there is a stigma, does it attach to the person who took an oath under duress or to the person who created the duress?
Finally, on the subject of non-believers, duress, and taking the lord’s name in vain, we have the issue of the First Amendment and how it intersects with the Third Amendment. Please note that I didn’t just say “free speech”, I very deliberately said “the First Amendment”. The issue here is one of freedom of religion as much as it is one of free speech and of the press. When we still censor the use of the phrase “god damn” on the chance that someone might be offended, and even more extreme forms of language and self-expression are suppressed with a ruthlessness that some third-world dictators might admire, there can be no question that there is an intersection between free speech and freedom of religion. But where do we draw the line? The presumption of “public airwaves” is that they are owned by the public as a whole, and not by any one segment of the public. So the question then becomes, do we appeal to the lowest common denominator of lasciviousness or the lowest common denominator of righteousness? Think carefully before you answer, because while your answer may be rooted in a desire not to hear someone use “Jesus Christ” as a curse, it may also mean not allowing someone to display an image of Mohammad either. “Freedom of religion” does not equate to “freedom of YOUR religion”.
Midlife (Health) Crisis
Posted: October 8, 2012 Filed under: Culture | Tags: advice, culture, etiquette, health 1 CommentAs I become a grouchy middle age man, I’m slowly coming to realize I’m not quite the svelte, dynamic Adonis I once was. In particular I’m noticing that this year my waist measurement and my age will match for the first time in a decade, and that’s not the thrill that it once was. I also notice I get winded walking up a single flight of stairs, and I have trouble doing the sorts of things I used to enjoy, like yelling at kids to get off my lawn (what can I say; I was born a cranky old man). Looking back on the past twenty years, I think about how I got from there to here, and I have some advice to offer to those of you who may still be on the right side of thirty, or even some thoughts of what to do if, like me, you’re staring down the barrel of your high school reunion and a suit that doesn’t quite fit the way you hoped it would.
First, find some sort of physical activity you actually enjoy. I’m not talking about exercise here, I’m talking about fun. I differentiate between these two because, like almost everything else that was inflicted on most of us in school when we were young, we’ve come to associate the word “exercise” with awful things that we do because we have to and not because we want to. It was different when you were a little kid, running around for the joy of it, riding your bike just to see where you could go, and playing pick-up sports because you wanted to. Find something, anything like that and go with it. Don’t “get in a routine”, don’t time yourself, just get used to being active and enjoying being active.
Next, try one new food every month. You’d be amazed how easy this is to do, and you’ll also be amazed at how many of them you’re going to hate. Yeah, you read that right. I’m not going to sell you on how many wonderful foods there are out there, because the truth is most food tastes terrible to me, and you’re probably going to feel the same way. But I have no idea what foods you’re going to hate, and neither do you, and there’s something else: you have no idea what foods you’re going to love. What’s even better, chances are at least some of those foods are a lot healthier than what you’re eating now. My favorite new discovery was wheat bread. Tasted just fine and it was better for me. Believe it or not, it came as a big shock to me. You could have an “ah-hah” moment like that waiting for you.
Learn how to cook if you don’t already know. This has more benefits than I can easily list, but here’s a few: it’s cheaper than eating out, it’s generally healthier than eating out, it gets made the way you want it, and it can often be done faster (when you take into account travel time, wait time, etc.) Oh, and there’s just one more thing: if you really want to impress someone on a date, cook them a meal. Guys or girls, either way a well-cooked meal is a total turn on. Even a sincere attempt (as long as it’s edible) will score you points.
Pick one bad habit a year to work on. I’m not saying you have to get rid of it completely, but at least work on it. You’ll feel better about yourself as a person and you might even look better too. Don’t fault yourself for not being successful in completely eliminating that habit, and don’t feel like you have to work on the same one each time.
Don’t pick up smoking, and if you have, try to quit. I have nothing but sympathy for my smokers out there. I’ve quit (seriously) at least three times now. My record is one year. It’s a nasty, expensive habit, and one of the toughest to break I’ve ever had. Caffeine is the only one I’ve had more trouble with.
I will make one plea on behalf of all my smokers out there: if you are one of those anti-smoking crusaders who go around hassling them to quit, please stop. It’s just annoying. Especially when you pull out those little nuggets of wisdom about how smoking is bad for our health. Really?!? Are you sure? Wow. I wish someone had mentioned that to me in the eighteen years BEFORE I STARTED SMOKING. Or in the twenty years since. Oh wait, they have. At least once a week. Didn’t do a damn bit of good.
What you are doing is reminiscent of the old adage about trying to teach a pig to whistle: you’re just wasting your time and making the pig want to shove a carton of cigarettes down your throat. Or something like that. The reality is smokers will quit when they quit, and all you can do is give them the support they ask for when they ask for it. By the way, constantly bringing it up with “So are you still not smoking?” Counterproductive. This is as helpful as asking a recovering alcoholic “So, still not drinking?” You are simply reminding them of what they are missing. “How are you?” works fine.
Speaking of drinking, I suggest moderation. I’ve done the whole binge drinking thing, and to be honest I still don’t see what’s fun about it. It basically seems to me to be an excuse to do stupid shit and get others to also do stupid shit, in the hopes that someone will get injured, arrested, or sing karaoke. Maybe all three. If you want to go out and do stuff, do stuff. I’ve done all kinds of things that I dare not write about on the off chance that the statute of limitations hasn’t run out/my mother will read this, and I don’t have the excuse of having been drunk at the time. I cherish those memories, and I was sober enough at the time to have them.
So there you have it: my basic guide to life. No guarantees, no promises, but hopefully something of value.
Anarchy X: The Second Commandment
Posted: October 3, 2012 Filed under: Anarchy X, Culture, Politics | Tags: Anarchy X, culture, idolatry, religion, Second Commandment, Ten Commandments Leave a comment“Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.”
I don’t really have much to say about this one, since it pretty much covers idolatry, and I have very little for or against that. It really doesn’t come into the laws of the country, which is what this whole series is about, so no harm, no foul.
Weeeeeell, except for one or two things.
First we have the whole issue of what exactly idolatry is. Let’s take a quick look at the idea of it, shall we? “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image”. Seems to me like that pretty much rules out any sort of symbol that people put stock or faith in, particularly the kind that seems to generate religious zeal. Like say the American flag. If we can’t burn it because it counts as “desecration”, I think we can also pretty well say you were engaging in idolatry. So who sinned first, my good man?
Then there’s the bald eagle. That would be a “likeness of any thing that is in heaven above” last I checked. So why exactly do we have them all over our money, our federal buildings, and just about everywhere else last I checked?
Oh and hey, are we still allowed to make films and cartoons that mock major religious figures and icons? I know that “Piss Christ” seems to have gotten by without the artist getting arrested yet, but the week isn’t over yet.
My reading of the Second Commandment is deep and complex, but I’ll try to break it down with as little sarcasm as I’m capable of and then circle back to these issues.
First, God is immaterial. Not in the colloquial “irrelevant” sense, but rather in the old-fashioned “insubstantial” sense. Non-embodied. There’s no there, there. The disembodied nature of the divine represented here makes it a lot harder for most people to focus their minds on, so naturally we search for something material to relate to, but then we often make the leap from using the material object as a way of focusing on the divine spirit to thinking of the material object as the divine spirit. This Commandment exists to circumvent that process happening in the first place by outright banning those material affectations.
Second, it’s a way of scooping followers away from the other historical religions in the area at the time the Commandments came down. Consider the avatars of most (if not all) other pantheons local to where Judaism (and by extension Christianity) originated. If “any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth” doesn’t cover them, I don’t know what does.
Finally, I know I’ve had this argument before (see the comments from my discussion of the First Commandment), but I’m still not convinced from this passage or many others that at this point in time or any other there was a serious declaration that “I the Lord thy God” was intended to mean “I, the Lord, thy God, and by thy God I mean all the people of Earth, not just the ones I am speaking to right now who have a major hate on against lots of other tribes for many and sordid good reasons and aren’t even aware of 75% of the world I created or the people in it.”
So looping back around to the modern political implications (which makes this a very long loop indeed), and yes, I’m going to bring up hanging the Commandments in court houses again, but only because it’s directly relevant, I promise. At what point does an image of the Ten Commandments itself become a “graven image”? Seeing as how some people treat them as holy law and worship them rather than simply obeying them, treating the very idea of not displaying them as more of an offence than breaking any of them it seems to be more than a bit ironic.
Then there’s the issues I mentioned above. Why are there attempts to ban desecration of the American flag? Because it is a symbol of our country, yes, I get that. But do we bow down ourselves to it, or serve it? We certainly pledge allegiance to it, and how is that different? How is it not a graven image? And why is it that the same politicians who are most adamant about pressing forward with anti-flag desecration legislation are often the same ones pushing prayer in schools and displays of Commandments in public places?
I’m not trying to call into question the sincerity or devoutness of the many people of faith who believe in both Judeo-Christian values and the idea that we should honor the symbols of our nation. What I am calling into question is whether there isn’t a disconnect between the stated nature of those two sets of beliefs (which are not inherently contradictory) and the attempts to restrict the behavior of others or push those beliefs into the public sphere.
Anarchy X: The First Commandment
Posted: September 26, 2012 Filed under: Anarchy X, Culture, Politics | Tags: America, Anarchy X, First Commandment, religion, Ten Commandments 5 Comments“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”
Before I get rolling on the whole Ten Commandments thing, I need to make a few clarifications and disclosures. First, for the record, I am not a member or believer in any Judeo-Christian religions or traditions. My personal beliefs (or lack thereof) are not relevant to the discussion at hand, except insofar as to establish that I am not speaking as a believer. Second, I was not raised “in the Church” as it were, but my parents didn’t keep me away from it either, and my sister and I did go to Sunday School whenever we wanted. My parents let us find our own beliefs, and I grew up with the King James Bible, so that’s the version of the Ten Commandments I’ll be looking at.
Now that I’ve gotten all of those provisos out of the way, let’s move on to the easy stuff, shall we? I mean, unlike the Bill of Rights the Ten Commandments are pretty straightforward, right? Well… actually no. Setting aside any controversy about their use, the Commandments themselves have a long and interesting history of not being as clear as they could be.
For this first commandment, what throws me is that I hear a lot of people try to defend the idea of “One True God” using this, even though a proper reading of this Commandment doesn’t lend itself to any such interpretation. Far from it; every reading I can make of it suggests multiple gods, in multiple possible configurations. If you are willing to completely abuse the English language I suppose you could make that reading, and I’ll include that one in order to let folks judge it for themselves, but I’d love to hear someone explain to me how you honestly get to a non-tortured version of “one god” from this.
So here’s what I’m reading: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me”; sounds like an acknowledgement of other gods. How to interpret that in the context of Judeo-Christian belief? Like so:
Polytheism – Reading it as “there are many gods, I am just the most powerful and most deserving of worship.” You can actually envision a full pantheon of deities that includes one superior figure demanding to be held in full respect above the others quite easily. Odin All-Father, Zeus, or even Osiris (before that whole death-rebirth thing, but that’s a whole other Christian mythology comparison) could handily fit into this role, although in fairness I don’t see this being likely in the full context of the other writings and material around the Commandments.
Kathenotheism – Reading it as “there are many gods or spirits, I am just the most powerful/the others are simply aspects of my glory.” While it would take a little bit of stretching to get it within either the strictest bounds of the definition of kathenotheism or else the strictest interpretation of the Commandment, I still think it takes fewer mental gymnastics than the idea of using this to support monotheism. So imagine it with me: there are still gods or spirits of fields or seasons or what have you, but they are all subservient to the One True God. This isn’t strictly polytheism in that a migrating/herding culture would only worship one subservient spirit at a time and would still always be worshiping the highest deity as the supreme being. Another possibility would be seeing each of these lesser spirits merely as manifestations of the One True God, which takes us into functional monotheistic territory, but is still very different from what is typically described as the monotheism that is derived from the Ten Commandments.
Henotheism – Reading it as “Maybe there are other gods, maybe there aren’t, but I am YOUR god, and there aren’t any others worth bothering with.” This is the one that I think is most likely, and I think a lot of scholars have probably trod a lot of this ground already to be perfectly honest. Henotheism basically is the idea “I worship my god, you worship yours”. Henothesists don’t deny the existence of other gods (or at least the possibility of them), the just don’t particularly care. Considering the origins of Judeo-Christianity in a part of the world that had multiple other, older, much stronger pantheons in existence, I find it difficult to believe that any new religion would have evolved and declared right out of the gate “oh, and by the way, no god exists except for the one we worship, and it’s not the fantasy creatures you’ve been making sacrifices to, because seriously? Animal heads?” Having the stones to say “my god can beat up your god” when you’re on the wrong end of the slave lash is already pretty impressive.
Monotheism – Reading it as “There are no other gods. I am the only one. Don’t notice the man behind the curtain.” As promised, I shall now explore this possibility. While as previously mentioned I find it difficult to believe any new religion would declare right out of the gate that everybody else’s beliefs are completely false, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before in history, so that’s not a complete stopper. The big issue I take with this interpretation is that it doesn’t make sense in terms of the text. If you drop the last clause entirely the Commandment becomes “thou shalt have no other gods”, which is what the assertion of monotheism is. The existence of that clause has to be accounted for, and it can only happen one of two ways, either temporally or through precedence. I’m fairly certain there is no one making the argument that the tribes that eventually became the people of Jerusalem had no religion of any kind before the events described in Exodus. So then the only remaining possibility (as I understand the proper use of the English language) is one of precedence. One does not have to acknowledge that other gods DO exist, only that if they did, they wouldn’t be worth bothering with (see Henotheism above).
I realize that invoking “the usage of the English language” in this case is pretty weak considering the number of translations that the source material has been through, but as long as people insist on using interpreted texts as the basis of their arguments and politics, I’m going to be a stickler. And that’s what it’s all about in the end for me: there are people in America who rely on the Bible to make political decisions, and even want to hang the Ten Commandments in public spaces. But these same people have radically different interpretations of what these texts mean, not just in terms of their personal beliefs but the public sphere as well.
Consider for example my most-likely interpretation of this, what may fairly be considered from a religious perspective the most important Commandment (hence why it comes first): the henotheistic perspective says there may or may not be other gods, but they aren’t worth worrying about. “I worship my god, you worship yours”. Sounds so perfectly American. Shoving your beliefs in the public square and insisting “that’s what America was founded on, and you should thank us for it”? Not so much.
Special Bonus Post!
Posted: September 25, 2012 Filed under: Culture | Tags: culture, entertainment, guest post, travel, travel advice Leave a commentMany thanks to the ladies over at Heels First Travel for having me do a guest post! Check it out now, and be sure to check out all of their great travel advice!
Go ahead, I’ll still be here when you get back.
How To Get Ahead In Business If Your Boss Is Anything Like Me
Posted: September 24, 2012 Filed under: Culture | Tags: business, culture, etiquette, how to get ahead, job advice, workplace 3 CommentsSomehow, despite all my worst efforts, I’ve ended up supervising quite a few people over the past several years, as well as observing more than a few more come through this and other companies I’ve worked at. Between this and my own personal experiences (read: “the horrible mistakes I made and all the advice I never listened to just like you will not listen to me”) I’ve come to realize there are certain common traits that separate the people who will continue to advance and thrive from the people who will simply drift from one meaningless job to the next, only to inevitably end up complaining that the world isn’t fair. In order to empower you and prevent you, dear readers, from becoming one of those benighted souls, I offer these insights I have gleaned from my years on both sides of the managerial fence.
I Know It’s Boring, Just Do It Already. Here’s a little wake up call for you, sunshine: if your job weren’t 90% suck, I wouldn’t have to pay you to do it, you would do it for free. If it were 90% fun, YOU would be paying ME. So please, stop telling me how much the work I’ve given you sucks/is boring/is beneath you/is a waste of your time/skills/degree/god given talent/I honestly don’t give a rat’s ass. The simple fact is, the people who do what I ask them to do, do it well, and don’t complain are the ones I will come to when I need something else done, including the fun projects, and the complainers are the first ones to get cut when the budget axe comes down.
My Job Is Boring, Too. Bet you didn’t see that one coming, did ya? Yeah, cupcake, here’s the reality of the workplace: the reason I gave you all that boring stuff to do is so I could have time and mental capacity to focus on my own load of boring stuff. See, I have more experience, more institutional knowledge, more work relationships, and more understanding of how to get things done. That means that for every boring project you’re working on, I have three, only I don’t get to see them through to completion. Instead, I have to nurse them along just far enough that I can hand them off to someone else that I can only hope will bring them through to completion in a manner I find satisfactory, because if they don’t then I get yelled at for their failure. That’s called responsibility, and it’s what I really get paid for.
Take Responsibility. The people who get promoted are the people who get things done. If you can’t, come to me before the deadline and before you run out of money so we can come up with a solution. This makes you look like a problem solver. Why you didn’t get the project done on time, on budget, after the fact, is of no interest to me.
Do It Right The First Time. I shouldn’t have to say this, but somehow I do. I can’t count the number of people I have had to train in the simple fact that details matter. It’s not just about the task at hand, this goes to my overall perception of you. It’s like this: when I have a new project of critical importance, who do you think I’m going to give it to: the guy who treated his last project with a shrug and a “whatever” attitude, or the one who treated it like his job depended on it? Even if the project at hand is simple data entry, the next one might not be, and how you do on this one will shape my perception of how you will do every other task I give you.
This Isn’t Social Hour. Maybe you heard that “networking” was the way to get ahead. Maybe you never grew out of chatting with your friends in high school. Maybe you’re just naturally gregarious. Whatever it is, if every time I see you I see you talking to someone instead of getting something done, that’s the image I have of you. That’s not to say you can’t be sociable at work, but it is to say that you need to understand why you’re there, and socializing isn’t the number one reason. It’s not even in the top five.
Innovate, Don’t Inundate. Truth is I’m always open to a good idea. I welcome them. The problem is that everyone, and I mean everyone I’ve seen come into a new company throws out a new idea within a week of starting there. I’ve done it myself. I guess the urge to impress your new boss is just too strong, or maybe we all just feel like “Well, they hired me for a reason.” The problem is this is the height of hubris. This presumes you understand the company and position you are in so well within a week that your idea will have merit and strength sufficient to be worthy of consideration and implementation. Now take this hubris and multiply it by the number of ideas you’ve thrown out in the amount of time you’ve been at your current job, and divide it by the number of months you’ve been there. For most people who have been at a job for less than a year, this ratio will be roughly “holy/shit!” Even if there’s a good idea in there somewhere, I’m not going to notice it because I’m too busy ignoring everything you say. Wait for the right idea to come along, put it out there, and let others decide its relative merit.
Be Patient, And Have Realistic Expectations. There’s a great line in Fight Club that I think we can all learn from: “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won’t.” I take a different lesson from this than the movie intended, but I do take a lesson away from it, and I hope you will to: you can have the corner office, you can have the six figure salary, you can have the respect of your peers and the adulation of the masses… but you won’t have it today. Tomorrow’s not looking good either. You’re gonna have to work your way up to them, slowly, bit by bit, and even once you get there, if you get there, there’s no guarantees there will be anything more beyond it – or that it’s even what you wanted in the first place. Life’s like that. So think about it, now and along the way. Be sure you know what your options are, and know what you’re giving up, because there are damn few second chances, and nobody gets a third.
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My Not So Humble Opinion 