Neverland University


Are you interested in making more money? Do you want a career, not just a job? Are you interested in finding a school that will provide you with a quality education at an affordable price? If so, consider Neverland University!

Our sprawling campus offers a diverse set of experiences for anyone, regardless of your field of study. Whether your interest is botany, culinary arts, or even military history there’s something for you here. We pride ourselves on maintaining an open and friendly atmosphere where none of our students is left to feel like an orphan.

For those who are interested in extracurricular activities, we have a wide range of options to choose from. The Lambda Betas are the most popular fraternity on campus, but there are plenty of other activities too. We maintain a Navy ROTC program, and from swimming to camping, there are all kinds of outdoor fun to be had. We’ve also recently changed our school mascot from the politically insensitive Indian to the environmentally conscious Crocodile. That hasn’t stopped us from maintaining a friendly rivalry with our neighboring school, the Buccaneers!

So if you’re serious about graduating from college while you’re still young enough to take advantage of your degree, just send your application to the second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.

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Famous Literature as Haiku


The Illiad, by Homer

Damn, Helen is fine.

Whoops, started a big ass war.

Look, a giant horse.

 

The Odyssey, by Homer

Finished fighting war.

Got held up on the ride home.

House guests are a bitch.

 

The Inferno, by Dante Alighieri

Virgil leads the way,

Beatrice sent to guide me.

Can’t wait for next two.

 

Doctor Faustus, by Christopher Marlow

Summon a devil

I learn magic, lose my soul

Didn’t think that through

 

Hamlet, by William Shakespeare

Dad killed by uncle

A show to unveil the truth

Caught in the mousetrap

 

The Cthulhu Mythos, by H.P. Lovecraft

Inherit old books.

Nightmares full of tentacles.

Hastur Hastur Hast-

 

Death of a Salesman, by Arthur Miller

Meet Willy Loman.

He’s liked, but he’s not well liked.

This will not end well.

 

Waiting for Godot, by Samuel Beckett

Nothing must be done.

Wait is interminable.

End of line: no show.

 

Finnegan’s Wake, by James Joyce

Book rich with meaning.

Complex, deep, yet still has puns.

Bitter old author.

 

Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand

Too many moochers.

Let the country fall apart.

Get a job, hippie.