The Definition of Irony


In a blinding example of hubristic blindness, Senator Dianne Feinstein accused the CIA of “spying on Congress and possibly breaking the law” this week, going so far as to site the Constitution for not just a violation of separation of powers (a nice touch I have to admit, I doff my cap to you Madame) but also the Fourth Amendment AND the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act. She didn’t just throw the book at them; she tossed the whole Library of Congress.

Well whoopdie-fucking-doo.

Pardon my language, but welcome to the party, pal. The rest of us have been living in the intelligence community’s very own version of The Truman Show for years. What makes you so special? Let’s just take a look at what it was she cited there: “‘I have grave concerns that the CIA’s search (of committee computers) may well have violated the separation of powers principles embodied in the Constitution,’ said Feinstein, who is normally a strong ally of U.S. intelligence agencies.” The separation of powers, huh? Let me just look up the Constitution online real quick… Oh! I see. You’re concerned they may have violated the special privileges of the elite rulers like yourself, not us poor common folk. Well, that explains a lot.

Of course, I also have no idea what Sen. Feinstein is getting all riled up about, since “Her accusations of CIA-led computer searches were denied by CIA Director John Brennan”, and it’s not like the Director of National Intelligence has openly lied to the Senate Intelligence Committee before. So we can all feel safe and secure, especially us poor plebes who only have the Fourth Amendment to hide behind. You know, the one that the intelligence community routinely violates through the power of the Patriot Act? Surely you remember that one, Sen. Feinstein. You voted in favor of it.

Setting all my anger and spite at this galloping hubris aside, if this is what it takes for Sen. Feinstein and those like her to finally see how out of control things have gotten, then so be it. I welcome it. I welcome any change for the better. The greatest irony of all is that these revelations overshadowed the 25th anniversary of the World Wide Web, a time we should be celebrating the open and free exchange of ideas and information, not huddling in fear on the off-chance our own government will take a dislike to how we use that web or express those ideas.


Surveillance Weather


Surveillance Weather
(To the tune of “Sweater Weather” by The Neighborhood)

All he is, is a man,
Confidential files in his hands
Took an oath
That he’d stand
By the Constitution and the laws of the land
Hacked the database,
Didn’t leave a trace
Now the whole thing is a federal case.
Trust me, Snowden, you’ll get yours
If you ever set foot on U.S. shores, oh

We know what you think about
And what you talk about
We have eyes all about
Your work, your house
New shirt, new blouse?
Trust us, we’ll find out
Nothing we can’t figure out, no

‘Cause it’s too cold
For him there in Russia
So let us hold
Hold Snowden in a cell down in Gitmo

And it may just take your breath away
We know every single word you say
Our spying doesn’t know constraints
There is no place too far away
Intelligence is a race
Sometimes it’s hard just keeping pace
Monitoring cyberspace
Power is addictive once you get a taste, yeah

The NSA adores
Programs like Carnivore
We know where you have been
You don’t need a Guardian

Talking ‘bout
Email in doubt
Surveillance throughout
You’re safe, without
Honor of a scout!
Nothing else to talk about, no, no, no

‘Cause it’s too cold
For him there in Russia
So let us hold
Hold Snowden in a cell down in Gitmo

Whoa, whoa…
Whoa, whoa… whoa
Whoa, whoa…

‘Cause it’s too cold
For him there in Russia
So let us hold, let us hold…