Bob’s Jukebox: Sonic Jihad

Posted: August 5, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

I’ll be the first to admit, I have quite a few albums in my collection that I only bought because I liked one song on them, and there was a stretch of time (let’s call them “the 90s”) where you couldn’t really buy singles. I tried to hold off unless I knew at least three songs off an album, a trick My Not So Humble Sister taught me back in the days when you actually could buy singles (one of many life skills I have tragically outgrown; back then the cost of three singles was higher than the price of the entire album).

Of course, these days you can buy almost any song digitally as a single, and most music is available streaming. But as I have discovered to my dismay, there are plenty of cultural artifacts (music, TV, movies, and more) that are falling down what a friend of mine has dubbed the “digital memory hole”, as they are not available on any digital platform, so it is best to hang on to a physical copy of anything you are serious about enjoying in more than the most ephemeral sense. And that also brings to the fore the issue that, unless you have virtually unlimited resources, the fragmentation of entertainment has gotten to the point that the availability of any given piece of entertainment relies as much on luck as it does on careful planning. But now I’m just becoming the old man shaking his fist at the cloud (in more than one sense of the word).

Before I got off on my tangent about getting off my lawn, I was talking about albums I bought because of a single song, specifically because of Snake River Conspiracy’s Sonic Jihad. They had a bit of success around the turn of the millennium with their cover of “How Soon is Now?”, which I maintain to this day is the best cover I have ever heard of that song or of the Smiths in general (and Dr. Pat, you can just go back to watching Charmed, I’ll talk about Love Spit Love when I’m good and ready). Since I’m going off on tangents anyway, I might as well go off on a tangent about covers, since this one (as well as another on this album, a cover of “Lovesong” by the Cure) manage to be exactly what I look for in a cover. That is, close enough to the original to be easily identifiable as a cover (at least to those who are familiar with the original song) while sting being innovative enough to feel like an original composition. There’s nothing wrong with a band doing a song “straight” as it were, but then it doesn’t feel like they’re bringing anything new to it, and I have to ask, “why did you decide to perform this song?” A tribute is well and good, but even then, it’s better to add something fresh, to say “here’s what I wanted to say/what this song means to me.”

But once again, I should probably talk about the album itself. This turned out to be a delightful surprise. Their style is defined as “industrial rock”, along the lines of Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson, which checks out. I’m not a huge fan of the genre, but I enjoy it, and that’s about where I fall with this album: not a huge fan, but I enjoy it. There are no songs on the album I particularly dislike, although a few fall in the category of “meh” (“Breed”, “Strangled”, “Oh, Well”). A couple of them of them are “like, but not love” (“Act Your Age”, “Somebody Hates You”), and there are some that I really do feel are standouts (“Casualty”, “You and Your Friend”, “Lovesong”, “Vulcan”, “More Than Love”, “How Soon Is Now?”). There’s a lot of variety in terms of tone and content, even staying within the same broad style, and they deserve a lot of credit for that exploration.

That having been said, it turns out that about half the album is covers, which if I’m being honest somewhat takes away from my admiration for the group. Not that I have anything against covers per se, but there’s a not-very-fine-line between “doing a couple covers” and “basically being a cover band”. When roughly half of your album is cover songs, I think you’re walking right up to that line, and you may even be stepping across it. Which is a shame because there’s clearly a lot of talent here. Tobey Torres has amazing vocal range and capability, and I would love to hear more of her.

Clearly my take away is if you have any interest or admiration for industrial rock or female vocalists in general, I give Sonic Jihad a solid recommendation. It definitely earns the “Parental Advisory – Explicit Content” sticker, so if that’s going to turn you away, don’t say you weren’t warned. But otherwise give this one a try.

Bob’s Jukebox: Lincoln

Posted: July 28, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I decided to pull out something random for this week, and I guess it’s true what they say – be careful what you ask for. Strap in kids, it’s gonna get a little bit weird. Our selection for this week is They Might Be Giant’s Lincoln.

I first heard this album back in high school, although it wasn’t the first album I heard by TMBG. That would be Flood, which we’ll get to eventually, I’m sure. I vaguely recall at least some people giving me a rash of shit about not having heard of Lincoln when I was listening to Flood one time, and I don’t know to this day if they actually thought it was a superior album or if they were just proto-hipsters determined to make a big deal about the fact that they liked the band before they were cool. Personally, I preferred Flood then and now, but that’s neither here nor there.

The first thing I notice about Lincoln is that it involves a lot of word play, and not particularly clever word play, so much as weird word play. Not to say there’s isn’t a certain cleverness in the word play, and it does have the quirky rhythm and flow that is unique to TMBG, but the oddity of it seems to lean into “weird for the sake of being weird” rather than “weird because we’re trying to make an artistic statement” or “weird because metaphor be like that, yo”. And I am fully willing to acknowledge two things: first, that not all of the weird word play misses its mark of being satire: “Purple Toupee”, “Pencil Rain”, and “Kiss Me, Son of God” are not exactly subtle satire. But a lack of subtlety does not excuse an overabundance of inanity (and that’s ME saying that).

Before it sounds like I’m trying to completely poo-poo all the “weirder” songs on the album, I enjoy some of the more “out there” songs specifically because they are doing something different, but they aren’t trying to do too much at once. Which is to say, they nicely balance their lyrical explorations with a musical joi de vive and lightness that is missing from those other songs. In particular I’m thinking of “Where Your Eyes Don’t Go”, “The World’s Address”, and “Snowball in Hell”.

“Santa’s Beard” seems to be mean for the sake of being mean. “Ana Ng” and “They’ll Need a Crane” are the stand out songs that are about as close to approachable as I think you’ll find on this album, which honestly isn’t saying much. It seems to be telling that both of these songs are about troubled relationships.

Here’s the thing I’ve found about They Might Be Giants: they’re not the kind of band I can really just sit down and listen to cold. I have to listen to them several times, either all at once or (preferably) over the span of several days or a couple weeks. The first time I hear them I find them annoying and try-hard, college radio holdovers who had a couple of catchy songs that hit big. After I’ve listened a few times, they start to infect my brain, the different musical styles they range across keeping me from comfortably boxing them away and ignoring them long enough to hook me. That gives the lyrics and the music time to remind me that I actually do like them, at least somewhat. They’ll never be my favorite band, nor will I ever understand the fascination some people seem to have with them, but I can still enjoy their music.

Bob’s Jukebox: Lost Mixes – Extended Ecstasy

Posted: July 23, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

I originally bought this CD a few decades ago, so my memory around it is a little hazy. As I recall, I picked it up because it had extended remixes for a couple songs I already had in my collection, as well as a couple others I didn’t have but knew I liked. I was getting it used, so I figured it was a bargain. And I was mostly right.

As one reviewer on Amazon put it, if you love the dance music of the late 80s and early 90s, this one is going to be right up your alley. Another way to put it is that the average track length on this record is 6-7 minutes, so hope you’re not going anywhere for a while. There may only be 8 songs on the album, but it still weighs in at a play time of almost an hour. These are, indeed, “Extended Ecstasy”. Mostly.

“Kiss and Tell”, “Little Respect” and “Blue Monday” don’t sound all that different from their original versions to me, although I’m not such a huge music buff that I could definitively say “ooh, that’s a huge difference”. For the most part it just sounds to me like they looped the same music for an extra few minutes, called it an “extended mix”, and collected an extra paycheck. By contrast ”Roam” and “Crazy” definitely have some differences, enough to warrant being called a different mix. I don’t know “Sunshine and Ecstasy” or “Loaded” outside of this album to offer an opinion on whether or not they justify being called a remix.

Which brings us to the ultimate question, “Is it worth buying the album?” And I guess that depends on why you’re considering buying it. Like I said at the start, if you love the dance music of the late 80s and early 90s, yeah, might as well. Even the tracks that don’t sound significantly different from their originals are still some of the best dance music of the era, and the ones that are different are particularly good examples of the remix genre.

Another reason to buy the album would be if you’re just starting out as a DJ and hope to someday be as good as My Not So Humble Brother-in-Law. These remixes are basically tailor-made for mixing, with long stretches of instrumentals and simple beats that all but make this album “My First DJ Kit”.

Or if you’re just looking for something to throw on and mindlessly dance for an hour, this is a great choice. It’s well balanced and fun. Nothing wrong with that either.

Bob’s Jukebox: A Momentary Lapse of Reason

Posted: July 15, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This week on Bob’s Jukebox, I’ll be discussing the Pink Floyd album A Momentary Lapse of Reason. This is another one I’ve spoken about previously, just over ten years ago, so I don’t blame anyone for not remembering (and this is a bit of a different and more expansive take). At some point I will be discussing (most) every Pink Floyd album, although I don’t want to focus on any one artist for an extended period of time, even if they are the greatest artist of all time. Don’t take it from me; it was voted on all the way back in 2014 for Bobapalooza: Clash of the Titans. And no, I didn’t rig the voting. Who do I look like, the IOC?

So why start with this one, you may ask? It’s quite simple, really. This was the first Pink Floyd album I ever heard, and it started my lifelong fandom.

Go ahead, gasp in shock and dismay. Yes, as a matter of fact I was born under a rock and then raised by wolves. In a barn. On Mars. Are we done here?

I distinctly remember seeing the video for “Learning to Fly” on MTV (and if that doesn’t make me sound old, nothing will) and the sound captured me completely. I had to find more of this incredible new band. The entire album was intoxicating, and when I found out they had so many (allegedly better) albums out there, I started slowly working my way through their back catalogue. We’ll get to those albums eventually, but one thing at a time. (Don’t worry, I’ll be doing the entirety of The Wall as a single post.)

Pink Floyd is another one of those artists that you just can’t compare to other artists, because they’re just that good; you can only compare them to themselves. Is Momentary Lapse the best Pink Floyd album in existence? No, but it is my baseline for what a good Pink Floyd album should be (“you must be at least this quality to be considered good”). We’ll discuss my favorites as we get to them, and this isn’t one of my top three, but it is one of my top five… or six, depending on how you count them. We’ll get to that too.

Right from the start, the use of ambient sound leading into an instrumental on “Signs of Life” just works for me. This album probably has my favorite use of instrumentals paired with ambient sound outside of Animals, and yes, I realize that’s a bold statement considering that both Wish You Were Here and Dark Side of the Moon exist. I said probably, and I love each of them for their own reasons. “Learning to Fly” as previously mentioned is sublime.

“Dogs of War” is the turd in the punch bowl. It is the rare Pink Floyd song I just don’t much care for. It’s derivative and boring. I usually skip past it. But I promised myself I would listen to the entire album, and listen I did. My opinion has not changed.

Fortunately, we then get into the meat of the album, where the music and the lyrics combine together into something truly magical. Again, not the best Pink Floyd ever produced, but still well worth the price of admission. Even decades later, lyrics like “Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love? / Was it the hand of fate, that seemed to fit just like a glove?” hit like a hammer. Even when the lyrics don’t quite rise to that level (“Yet Another Movie”, I’m looking in your direction), Gilmour’s guitar work is still delightful.

Overall, this was the perfect introduction to Pink Floyd. It’s middle of the road (for Floyd), not their best album by a long shot but far from their worst either (and I can’t wait to see the flack I get when we get to that one).

Bob’s Jukebox: Glass Houses

Posted: July 8, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Bob's Jukebox, Culture | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

A while back, a good friend of mine (Dr. Pat) used to spend every Friday night doing what he called a “Full Album Flashback”. He would listen to an entire album (and when was the last time you even SAW an entire album?), and he would post his thoughts on the Book of Faces. I was intrigued by the idea and thought I would like to brazenly steal it for myself borrow it and give credit where credit is due. So, thank you Dr. Pat for the inspiration for Bob’s Jukebox.

What is that exactly? Well, I have an old collection of CDs sitting around, roughly 300 or so, that I haven’t really listened to in a decade or longer, and I thought now’s as good a time as any. I also know for a fact I bought at least some *cough*most*cough* of them for only a few songs at best. So actually taking the time to listen to the entire album will be a new experience for me. Good? Bad? Indifferent? We’ll find out together!

I decided the perfect album to kick this off with was the first “real” album I can ever remember listening to, Glass Houses by Billy Joel. I suppose there’s a certain synchronicity that the first album I started Bob’s Jukebox with is also, completely unintentionally, the first album I used to start The Soundtrack of My Life. Hopefully in the future I’ll manage to be a little less predictable, but I somehow doubt it.

Before I get into my specific thoughts on this album, I think it is worth mentioning that I consider Billy Joel to be on a special tier of artists who can’t be fairly compared to other artists. When I say a particular Billy Joel album is “good” or “bad”, I am speaking in relation to other Billy Joel albums. I don’t honestly think there are any truly, objectively bad Billy Joel albums (although some do come close to being mediocre, and we’ll discuss those when we get to them).

Glass Houses is the seventh studio album from Billy Joel, which honestly surprised me when I looked it up. I’ll be discussing his other albums (at least some of them) in future posts but suffice to say I was more impressed with at least one of his earlier releases, significantly more in fact. I’ll let you guess in the comments which one that is (all of you except Dr. Pat, because he already knows for a fact which one it is). The lyrical ability he displays on this album is more clever than poignant or deep, with memorable hits such as “You May Be Right” and “It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me” showing an ability to turn a clever phrase without significant depth, and “C’etait Toi (You Were the One)” honestly just feels like a failed attempt at looking sophisticated (really, an entire verse in French? Even worse, the same verse? I thought my teenage poetry was pompous, but damn.)

His great strength lies in storytelling, and the more relatable the story, the better the song. “All for Layna” and “I Don’t Want to Be Alone” are perfect examples of this, as is “Sleeping with the Television On” (which also does an excellent job of placing the album within a specific few decades within the US; listen to the song and if you know, you know.)

At this point he still is a young, perhaps not angry but definitely cynical man. How much you can relate to that may influence how much you enjoy his music. Also, it is to some extent of its place and time. There is no doubt that Billy Joel has a certain style, particularly early in his career, and while that style did evolve over time, on Glass Houses it is in full force and clearly on display. If you like that style, you’ll like this album. If you don’t, you won’t. It really is that simple. For myself, this still remains one of my top five Billy Joel albums, and arguably one of my top three. I freely admit nostalgia plays a certain role in that, but there honestly are no bad songs on the album (even “C’etait Toi”, for all that I love to give him shit for it), and only a couple of truly forgettable songs. The fact that a couple of my very favorite Billy Joel songs are on this album, along with some of his biggest hits (and no, they are not one and the same in this case; again, different albums yield different results) sets it high on my personal ranking.

Who Matters?

Posted: May 11, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Culture, Musings, Politics, society, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

(Disclaimer: The following post has spoilers for the first season of The Peripheral on Amazon Prime. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend it. You have been warned.)

I recently binge-watched the entirety of the first (and so far only) season of The Peripheral on Amazon Prime (note to Amazon: get on that next season, ya’ll have a bad habit of dragging your feet). I have a complicated relationship with cyberpunk in general and William Gibson in particular. When cyberpunk is done well, I love it, and when it is done less than I despise it. The same can be said for Gibson’s work. His better novels I am a rabid fan of (and that isn’t limited to his cyberpunk work; Pattern Recognition remains one of my favorite novels), but his lesser works leave me completely cold. In both cases I think it is a matter of knowing what heights they are capable of makes me demand nothing less. Fortunately, in this case they delivered, and truth be told The Peripheral goes beyond cyberpunk (although it does incorporate many cyberpunk elements and themes) and covers elements of several sci-fi genres.

One of the key themes that particularly stood out for me in the show was the question of who matters in society. This was brought into stark relief when Flynn Fisher (Chloë Grace Moretz) states to her “employers” in an alternate future timeline (like I said, it gets into broader sci-fi elements pretty quick), “I’m trying to think of you guys as real.” While this is the most obvious moment, it is far from the starkest divide, as the power differentials between various groups make up much of the drama in the show, and while they are mostly drawn with a broad brush and a heavy hand (yay science fiction), they still serve to illuminate the broader concept.

The most obvious divisions of course are in the future society between the major power players: the Research Institute (the intelligentsia), the Klept (the rich and powerful), and the Metropolitan Police (the government). The rest of the people in this future society are either servants of one of these groups or simply outcasts.

There are other, less obvious (although still not exactly subtle) divisions to be found in the show as well. The specific choice of a small town, rural setting for the 2032 “stub” timeline versus the metropolitan London of the “main” 2100 timeline dovetails nicely with the plot point of choosing groups of rural friends as soldiers for the haptic devices (an obvious allusion to the over-representation of rural Americans in the military), which then lends itself to the obvious division between veterans and civilians. There’s also the divide between disabled veterans and able-bodied civilians to explore.

It’s very easy to tell who the good guys are: just like in real life, pick the people you agree with, and there you go, you know who the good guys are. Because really, there’s no other way to tell. Everyone has an agenda, everyone does morally and ethically questionable things (to say the least), and everyone has a justification for their actions that essentially amounts to “I did what I had to do”. So like I said, just like real life.

It’s become fashionable to loudly proclaim “everyone gets a voice,” while sotto voce saying, “as long as we don’t have to listen to them.” For some groups it has become even more fashionable to simply say, “You are too vulgar, too violent; you shouldn’t be allowed to speak at all.” To those who insist that everyone deserves and must get an equal voice, here’s a short list of groups that I want you to look at and seriously tell me you want all of them to have an equal say:

  • Flat Earthers
  • Jews
  • Incels
  • TERFs
  • Trumpers
  • 9-11 Truthers
  • MGTOW
  • Muslims
  • Homophobes
  • Feminists
  • Conservatives
  • Disabled people
  • Racists
  • BLM
  • KKK
  • Antifa
  • Liberals
  • Veterans
  • LGTBQ+
  • Nazis
  • Hippies
  • Elderly people
  • Libertarians

Does everyone on the list get an equal say? If not, why not? Was it the same 20 years ago? 50? 100? Why is it different now? (And if the best answer you can give me is “because society is fairer” you get an A for optimism and an F for naivete.) Having a good rationale for not letting part of your population participate when you claim to be a free and just society is putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. Understanding the likely outcome when people feel they are not being heard, their needs are not being addressed, and they are being forced to participate in a society that is taking from them without giving in return is the first step to rectifying the situation. Because the hard truth is that, long-term, most groups are not going to just sit back and be grateful for what they are given. So what do you do then?

And that is a problem that can come from any direction. Look again at that list. I’m not asking you to like or agree with anyone on that list. I’m not asking you to condone or tolerate anyone on that list. I’m asking you to acknowledge that every one of those groups exists, that they have a point of view, one might even say an agenda, and every single one of them is capable of morally and ethically questionable things (to say the least). And I guarantee you, when they do them, they will have a justification for their actions that essentially amounts to “I did what I had to do”. Just like on The Peripheral. The question is, how will you know who the good guys are?

H.P. Lovecraft Christmas Gift Guide

Posted: December 7, 2022 | Author: | Filed under: Culture, Humor | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

R’Lyeh Water Clock

This unique time piece will be the talk of any collection. Tells time in seven dimensions. Water resistant to 11,000 meters.

The King in Yellow (Children’s Edition)

Kids driving you crazy this holiday season? Return the favor with the kid’s edition of this classic tale! For maximum enjoyment, have the kids stage a performance for the whole family. It’ll be a holiday nobody will forget.

The Colour Wheel Out of Space

Know an artist who wants to REALLY express themselves, but just isn’t able to find that unique shade? Tired of hearing about the difference between “French blue” and “sapphire blue”? Wish they’d take up residence on a farm and enjoy the simple life? This out-of-this-world gift will change their life… guaranteed.

Miskatonic University Sweatshirt

Show your Miskatonic U pride with this extra-comfy sweatshirt! Made from 100% cotton, these durable, flame-retardant sweatshirts are cruelty-free, fair-trade, and available with or without extra-long sleeves with buckles. Available in men’s and women’s S, M, L, or XL.

Black Goat

Nothing says lovin’ like flu’gh fla’gh f’naghn! Get the family pet that nobody can resist. Comes in litters of one or a thousand.

Mi-go Chia Pet

Just spread the seeds, water, and watch it grow into something you’ve never seen before. If you nurture this plant carefully, you’re sure to go far. Suggested to keep out of direct sunlight and away from Him Who is not to be Named.

Innsmouth Saltwater Taffy

A special favorite of our staff, this sea-side treat will delight the whole family. With several flavors in every box, including lemon, cherry, grape, and calamari. *

*DISCLAIMER: Innsmouth, Inc. Saltwater Taffy has been known to cause certain adverse reactions in some individuals, including but not limited to:

  • Shrunken/nonexistent ears
  • Glassy, bulging, unblinking eyes
  • Narrow, hairless head
  • Sharpened teeth
  • Rubbery, blue-gray skin
  • Clawed hands and feet
  • Webbing between fingers

Innsmouth, Inc. does not accept any responsibility for any adverse effects from consumption of its Saltwater Taffy, but in the event of these or other odd symptoms, suggests immediately proceding to the nearest ocean.

Royalty

Posted: April 9, 2018 | Author: | Filed under: Culture, Uncategorized | Tags: , | Leave a comment

When we were Kings and Queens
and backyards and forests were our kingdoms,
action figures were our soldiers
and stuffed animals our loyal subjects.
We were tyrants, one and all –
benevolent or cruel –
deposed by Time.

A Personal Interpretation

Posted: May 8, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Culture | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Fair warning: I follow where my muse takes me, and the other day she took me to a very dark place. If you don’t want to be depressed, I suggest visiting Disney.com. I hear it’s very nice.

I can still remember how
A very long time ago
Acting used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had a chance
I could make people laugh, or cry, or cheer,
Even if it was only for a night.
But the day came I had to admit the truth,
If only to myself
I would never have the dream
And a dream was all it would ever be.
I can’t remember if I cried
That day I finally let it all go
But something inside me was lost
The day my childhood died.

So goodbye innocence,
I looked inside and the well of inspiration ran dry.
All my friends of yesteryear
Have long since faded away,
Long since faded away.

Did you inspire my boyhood crush?
Do you believe in a higher power?
Is it just because you read it in a book?
Or do you believe in art, music, and dance?
Does culture connect you to something greater than yourself?
And can you teach me how to make love and not just fuck?
I know you two are an item. I saw you off by yourselves at the party.
You were off in a corner alone –
-I was off in a corner brooding.
I was a lonely teenage spastic dork
With a leather jacket and a station wagon.
I knew I was out of luck
The day my childhood died.

I was all alone singing goodbye innocence,
I looked inside and the well of inspiration ran dry.
All my friends of yesteryear
Have long since faded away,
Long since faded away.

For ten years I was in a daze,
Bouncing around from place to place
But that’s not how it was supposed to be.
When the Buddha first came on the scene,
With a voice filled with agony and rage,
He was hailed as the voice of my generation.
And while the Buddha was feeling down
He graced himself with a blood red crown.
The bodhisattvas all were scattered,
But the legend was eternal.
And while Al exposed an inconvenient truth,
The market rose like Icarus,
And we all danced while Nero fiddled
The day my childhood died.

He was playing goodbye innocence,
I looked inside and the well of inspiration ran dry.
All my friends of yesteryear
Have long since faded away,
Long since faded away.

The end of our world was televised:
Matching towers falling from the sky.
A hole was made that never can be filled.
A lonely field became a heroes’ grave;
The blue and red tried to salvage the day
While the fool sat bewildered with his pet goat.
There was a brief reprieve of unity
While we were all bound together in grief.
Imagine the greatness that could have been
That was stillborn in the legacy.
Because the fool had to avenge the king,
Which reopened the wounds that had never healed.
Which side of the lines did you stand on
The day my childhood died?

As they were chanting goodbye innocence,
I looked inside and the well of inspiration ran dry.
All my friends of yesteryear
Have long since faded away,
Long since faded away.

So there we were, all in the same boat.
A generation sacrificed on the altar of September
With no semblance of an exit plan.
So Georgie Porgie Pudding Pie,
Georgie Got An Eye In The Sky,
How are you gonna make this one okay?
As the wars raged on and empty promises were made,
The faces changed but the tune stayed the same.
And as the boys and girls bled in the sandbox
Their broken toys lying all around them
In the end what did we accomplish?
The day my childhood died.

They were crying goodbye innocence,
I looked inside and the well of inspiration ran dry.
All my friends of yesteryear
Have long since faded away,
Long since faded away.

I knew a girl with the voice of an angel
And I asked her to sing for me one more time
But she just smiled and turned away.
And I went down to the sacred places
Where I dreamed my dreams so long ago
But the sacred places had long since closed and moved away.
And in the streets nothing’s really changed
Hearts still get broken every day
People scurry here, and scurry there
We do our best to make it somehow.
And the three things that I clung to most –
My grandfather, my father, and my belief in my own immortality–
They all left me at the same time:
The day my childhood died.

And they left me saying goodbye innocence,
I looked inside and the well of inspiration ran dry.
All my friends of yesteryear
Have long since faded away,
Long since faded away.

Goodbye innocence,
I looked inside and the well of inspiration ran dry.
All my friends of yesteryear
Have long since faded away,
Long since faded away.

Dating Advice From Famous Poets

Posted: February 14, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Culture, Dating, Humor, Satire | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Maya Angelou

By York College ISLGP [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

By York College ISLGP [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Dear Ms. Angelou,

I’m writing to you because I’m quite vexed over my father’s intractable position vis-à-vis the proposal of my commencing a relationship with a boy. I am fully capable of making my own decisions, having already attained twelve full years of age, and while I have not yet reached menarche, I am still as much a woman grown as any of the other girls in my class, many of whom have already gone on one or more dates. I think he is being completely unreasonable. What say you?

Signed,

A Caged Bird, Too

 

Dear Fledgling,

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and risks unknown
are hers to embrace
without a care
to cast aside the chains
of a life left behind.

But a bird that stalks
down her narrow cage
held back by father’s
blindness and fear
her wings are clipped and
she knows not why
so she opens her throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and her tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

The free bird gets cruel education
on the price of casual flirtation
and the handsome boys not as good as their word
and her eyes with tears are blurred.

But a caged bird knows more than a father could
He’d lighten up if he understood
But he still says “no” and locks the doors
so she opens her throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and her tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

 

Edgar Allen Poe

Daguerreotype of Edgar Allan Poe, known as the "Annie" Daguerreotype.

Daguerreotype of Edgar Allan Poe, known as the “Annie” Daguerreotype.

Dear Mr. Poe,

I’m planning to propose to the love of my life, my beautiful girlfriend of many years, and I want to do it somewhere special, someplace so magical she’ll never forget it. Can you offer any suggestions?

Thanks,

Searching for the Moment

 

Dear Lost in the Moment,

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
I proposed to a girl you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;–

Let’s just say things didn’t exactly work out
The way that I thought they would be.
If I had it all to do over
In that kingdom by the sea,
We would have just gone out to a nice dinner–
I and my Annabel Lee.

My advice? Bundle up, stay inside, stay warm —
STAY AWAY FROM THE SEA.

 

Dr. Seuss

Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss) half-length portrait, seated at desk covered with his books / World Telegram & Sun photo by Al Ravenna

Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss) half-length portrait, seated at desk covered with his books / World Telegram & Sun photo by Al Ravenna

Dear Dr. Seuss,

I’m not sure who to ask about this, but here goes. I’ve started noticing the boys in my class, and I think I like them, you know, in that way. Which would be great, except I’m a boy too.  Which I guess means I’m gay? And some people say being gay is bad, and other people say it’s not, and I just don’t know what to think. What do you think?

Signed,

Confused and Lost

 

Dear Lost and Found,

There once was a girl named Julie Madevin,
A charming young thing the age of eleven.
She had a crush on a boy in her class,
The boy known as Billy Sassafrass.
Julie thought that he was quite alright;
His eyes were blue, his pants were tight.
But there was something the other kids would say:
They all insisted that Billy was gay.
Julie didn’t know what to do,
So she ran home and asked her mommies two.
They told her this was quite alright,
And Julie slept quite well that night.

 

Lord Byron

George Gordon Byron, 6th Baron Byron, by Richard Westall, from National Portrait Gallery, London.

George Gordon Byron, 6th Baron Byron, by Richard Westall, from National Portrait Gallery, London.

Dear Lord Byron,

I want to do something really special for my wife for Valentine’s Day this year. It’s been a rough year, and I really want to show her I love her more than anything in the world. You’re renowned as one of the greatest romantics of all time; can you please give me something to show her just how much I love her?

Signed,

Truly Desperately In Love

 

Dear Truly Desperate,

I dunno. Flowers?

 

 

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